Judge — April 5, 1919 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tue Bureau Was Turee Incues Wiper Tuan tue Doorway anp Human Incenurty Coutpy’r Make It Any Less Grimley Moves the Bureau By D. B. Van Buren Illustrated by Gorvon Ross HE remarkable facility with which solid bodies will, at times, evade the operation of laws supposed to be universal, has long excited the won- der of the philosophical. This refers to the well-known but inexplicable < pry fact that pieces of furniture which have been shoved through a door by draymen, with no apparent difficulty, will afterwards resist all the efforts of the householder to extrude them through the same opening, although neither door nor furniture has changed in shape or size. This strange fact came home to Grimley with telling force as he confronted a huge bureau which stubbornly refused to depart from the room by the way it had come, although he shed quarts of perspiration trying to make it do so. ‘ It was about the size of a trolley car and was under- stood to contain what was formerly called underwear but which a politer age, with its devotion to camou- flage, prefers to call lonjerry. It was an impressive affair whose possession conferred almost as much re- spectability as a case of gout. It had a swell front and a top that bellied out like a spanker in a breeze, while a millionaire who fixed up furniture supposed to be an- tique, had just charged forty dollars for polishing it. ‘That functionary had sent it home by the hands of four huskies who had settled it down, with much grunting, where Mrs, Grimley supposed she wanted it. Being a woman of exceptional steadfastness of purpose, forty- eight hours elapsed before she changed her mind and concluded she wanted it elsewhere. She put‘it up to Grimley with the insidious cheerful- ness of women when demanding the impossible. You could move it in a minute!” she said. mley, poor devil, knew better, but didn’t dare say so. Never before had he seen so wide a bureau in con- trast to so narrow a door, nor was this the worst of it. There was that forty dollars’ worth of polish! One swipe in the doorway— With a prophetic eye, he saw himself the architect of a calamity; and he knew the lady and her fluency under affliction! In periods of mental anguish and physical stress, there is nothing so annoying as unruffled calm in your antagonist, and it is difficult to imagine anything more unruffled, hence more annoying, than a large, calm mahogany bureau. You cannot fluster a bureau, hence it has every advantage over you when you are trying to shove it through a doorway two sizes too small. As the marks of contest became increasingly manifest on comicbooks.com