Judge — April 5, 1919 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draven by Hemwax Patscen Would Take No Chances By Joux E, Scovetxs, U.S. N. COLORED officer of a company of dusky warriors from Alabama stationed in France was approached by a mess officer and told that he might draw wine rations for his soldiers. He shook his head slowly but decidedly. “Ah appreciate the honah, suh, foh nothin’ is too good foh mah men. Dey’s all good men. Some of dem boys kin pray so loud dat yo kin heah dem shout cleah across to Berlin—but—Mister, Ah ain’t takin’ any chances. Give ’em coffee.” Boxing the Compass to a Fiolah By A. H. Scueixuax, U. § The officer of the deck, desiring the reading of the compass, sent a hospital attendant, the only man within call, to the cabin to get the reading. The attendant returning reported the reading normal. “What do you mean by normal?” asked the surprised officer. “98 degrees, sir.” Urged to Attend By Pvt, Faaxk Haxtox, Hdgr. Co., Camp Upton, N.Y. Captain (to negro arrested in slacker raid)— When were you inducted into the army? Private—Ah wasn’t induced to the Cap'n, Ah was arrested, sah. army, C'est Triste By Senor, Avatix Moanen, A. E. F., France I dolled up in my best to-day, I should say aujourd’hui, And went to town to see my dame, What I mean is, Ma cheri. But another guy had beat me there, That is, was there aussi. She says she likes him more than I, So I guess that means, finis. A Gold Star for Lizzie By Prt. W. L. Dooos, Co. L, 76th Inf, Camp Lewis, Wash. It was Sunday and Sergeant Jones was driving a bucking, one-cylinder Ford down the streets of the old home town. “Ought to put Lizzie’s name on the casualty list,” called a fresh gob, who was witnessing the struggle. “Whatdaya mean?” between bucks. “ Missing in action.” hissed the sergeant Tairty Years Arter Tue Bic Scrap This Week's Best Service Joke Oh, Man By Por, Saucer P. Dean, 4 TPON boarding one of those . France Frog Specials” somewhere in France, one little Irishman sate the sign upon the outside of the car: “go Hommes,” and afur being jammed into his oo-by-tco space mumbled, “go Hommes, and no place to sleep.” Like Baseball It’s Att is tHe Gawe By Pvr. Monais Stosncna, P. B.S. Det, A. EB. F.. France Really, this whole business of war reminds me of a big ball game. When we arrived here we visited five rest camps in one week. Didn't we make a lot of “short stops”? When we went over the top, didn’t a lot of us make “hits”? Didn’t some of the boys make “sacrifices”? When we were wounded, and were sent over to the “third” “base” (hospital) weren't there a lot of us longing to get “home,” eh? Very well, then. Sliver Chevrons Drawn by Sat. W. C. Base an, Corwal Betialion, Comp Raritan, letuchen, N. 1st Sgt—Say, Bill, how do you like the idea of “silver bars” for us chaps who were left behind? and Set—Rotten! 1st Sgt.—W! and Set—A\ he over taradcheecad when you polish it up—it’s too much like “rubbing it in.” Not So Worse By Pvt. J. R. Nexsow, 306th M. G. Bn, Co. C, A. E. F., France SLIGHTLY wounded doughboy was turning back to the rear of the lines—crying and moaning. “Aw,” he groaned, “right through the hand, 2 bullet right through the hand, ow-ow-oo0.”” “Aw, dry up,” commanded a machine-gunner standing near. “What's the matter with a nice blighty like that? Why, every minute here some of our boys gets their heads blown off and they never say a word.” Solid Wood By Lieor. Joseru W. Saxons, A. B. F., France A colored soldier, sent after a supply of 2x 4 lumber, by mistake got 3 x 4 boards. Colored Sergeant (recognizing the mistake)- What am the matter with you, man? Ain’t you got no judgment? Private—Judgment nothin’! Dis man ain't looking for judgment. He’s looking for lumber. Plutocrats By B.C. Count, U. 8. Nary Yard, Boston, Mess, Sing a song o’ thirty bucks, A soldier’s heart is gay, When he salutes the gentleman Who peddles out his pay! Fifteen for allotment goes. War Risk, seven dollars. Eight for bonds—now figure what is Left of thirty dollars! Obeying His Superior By Lanor. Waa Tact, U ; Captain X was a newcomer in the service and unaccustomed to the rules of the army. Think- ing on account of his rank he was entitled to a car, he applied to the adjutant for one. “Just why do you want the car?” asked the adjutant. “Well—er—" he blurted. “I don’t want it for myself so much but—ah—my wife would like one.” Easy Mark By Pvr. Waitam G. Bett, 422 Co., Bat, ¥,U.8. M.C. Rookie (to postman)—Have you got any mail for me? Postman—What is your name? Rookie—You will find it on the envelope. rogat frant gress you'll this ¢ water swam from throu kind | choo bath, shoul us to W on gi who comicbooks.com