Judge — February 8, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Giving Himself Away—Black Jack Pershing said in a Y. M. C. A. address in Pari: A good soldier reveals himself at once. You can tell a good private by his salute, a good captain by his knowledge of tac- tics, a good general by his strategy. “Conwariwise a bad soldier gives him- self away at every turn. He's like the ignorant quack. This quack was called in to see a sick man, and the wife said “*My husband has been very ill, but I think he is now convalescent, don’t you?” “The quack felt the sick man’s pulse and looked at his tongue. “*Ves,’ he said, ‘the poor fellow's convalescent all right. But don’t be alarmed, ma’am. I've got a remedy here that'll cure the worst case of con- valescence in twenty-four hours.’” Detroit Free Press. Matters of Comparison—It’s all a matter of comparison, according to H. , the cartoonist, who told th ing as proof at a race meeting of the Salmagundi club: “Shrapnel shrieked all about. Bombs dropped from the sky and every so ften a big German shell burst overhead. e Yank burst into a fit of "matter, Buddy?” his mate asked, fearing that he had suddenly gone insane. “Twas thinkin’, Bill,” replied the other between chuckles, “of the runt that held me up one night in Memphis with a 22-caliber revolver.""—New York Tribune A Disguised Blessing—A soldier who had been unable to change his socks for several days felt that a blister was coming on one of his toes. On removing the sock he found a little roll of paper which had been irritating his toe. On it was written: od bless your poor tired feet!”’—On- tario Post. Indignant Doughboy—War Corre- spondent Lincoln Eyre said in a Paris Y. M.C. A. Now and then you come across a dis- honest shopkéeper who doesn’t hesitate to unload bad money on the doughboys. I know a doughboy who called on one of these rascals the other day and said in a stern voice: Hey, you—you gave me a bad two- franc piece last night!’ “The shopkeeper turned pale and handed the brawny doughboy a good piece. Pardon, monsieur! Please excuse,’ he said. all right,’ said the dough- boy, and turned to go. “*But, monsicur,’ said the shopkeeper, ‘will you not give me back the bad piece?’ “The doughboy grinned and winked at the rascal ina meaning way. Then hesaid: “*Oh, I passed it—passed it this morn- in’—and a hard job it was, believe me!’” —Washington Star. Very sorry! Filling the Breech! \n unrecorded incident inside the “lines.” Saturday Journal (London). wo R D 5S Calling Mary Names—“ Where is Mary now?” Mother Malaprop was asked. “She is in Paris, and she would spend all of her time there if she could. She’s the greatest parasite I ever knew.”— Dallas News. Hard on John—This is the contents of the telegram ke received: “Dear John. €ome as soon as you can. Am dying.—Kate,” After a long journey he arrived to be met by ¢ herself. “Why—what did you mean by wiring you were dying?” he asked. “Oh,” she said, “I wanted to say that I was dying to see you, but my ten words ran out and I had to stop.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Consulted Webster—“Last night a girl called me an ‘impecunious barra- cuda.’” “Didn't you resent it?” “No; it wasn’t until I got home that I realized that the name was highbrow for ‘a poor fish.’ —Boston Transcript. Fashions Change— netic spelling? “Tt’s a way of spelling that I often got whipped for when I was your age.”— Pearson's Weekly. a, what’s pho- A Drawback—“I want to apply for a position as an expert amanuensis,” “Well, what’s stopping you?” “How do you spell the pesky wore?” Louisville Courier-Journal. A Serious Lack—“What kind of a speaker is this man Gassaway?” asked the Old Fogy. “Oh, he’s a pretty fair speaker,” replied the Grouch. ‘But he lacks terminal facil- ities.” —Cincinnati Enquirer.