Judge — February 1, 1919 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

February 1, 1919 All Are Not Bumps That Protrude By Waxxen Woovreury Lewis HRENOLOGY is a game that professors Pim other wise guys play with the bumps on your dome. A lump over our right ear tells them that you are entitled be an actor, but the chances are that the mp came from a wild throw in a brick yard \gain, phrenology is a first cousin of all the other sciences which end with ‘ology and ‘oso. phy or ’thropy. Mr. Dubb abided on our planet a good many joons without being bothered with bumps, but shortly after he was married he had occa sion to call on Prof. Phelum. The prof. gently caressed the hills and dales on Mr. Dubb’s polished dome « found the bump hope abnormal. Then he consulted old Doc Spurzheim’s chart and found that Mr. Dubb’s bump of mirth, section 20, was also mountain Mr. Dubb was thrilled. He could account both, especially the projection of mirth 1 more discerning eye the mark of a piano As to the bump of hope 1 stool was still visible. he was uncertain. Section No. 4, on the barren pates of our be oved rich aunts and uncles, is also generally over-subscribed. This is the bump of adhe iveness, and means that they will stick around for a number of seasons. If you are born with n enlarged 32 you are due to become & musi- an, and a nuisance for the rest of your life These bumps should be discovered and sand papered in youth. Bump No. 12 is the egg-shaped substance known as the protuberance of ego. It is fre- quently found on the domes of people who no other bumps worth mentioning. When brain cells become irritated they spread out and make lumps on the skull. If a man hasn’t anything in his head to get irritated, here are no lumps on the surface. This is a sign that his upper story is unfurnished. A heavy growth of hair will hide this delin- quency, but a bald headed man has no chance or protection The inside of a human dome was for many vears a mystery to science, but shortly after he year One, a bunch of busybodies held a rand opening. After that everything was isy. They discovered that the various facul- ties have apartments on the top floor, many of which are interchangeable. A few years later 1 body of scientists gassed a man and removed his think-cell, which they exchanged for one they took from a monkey. After the opera both were happy until the man tried to hang rom a tree by his tail. Having no tail to hang he picked himself up with a new bulge on s dome, which the scientists diagnosed as a sump of experience. In the meantime the nkey disappeared, and ever since then scientists have been looking for the missing link. After all, phrenology is a baffling science. CWhat would you do with it ? A conservative man doesn’t carry a lighted bomb around with him searching for water to put out the fuse. He gets rid of it as quickly and gently as possible and then goes away from there. Not all of us know that we are packing around with us every day a potential source of trouble that may produce disease or even death. Ninety per cent of human illness is caused or aggravated by a clogging of waste in the bowels. If you try to blast away that decaying, germ-breeding waste with weakening pills, salts, castor oil, laxative mineral waters, etc., you are like the man with the bomb—carrying it around with you while you hunt for the neutralizer. You'll never find one. There isn’t any. The thing for you to do is to stick to your schedule of bowel movements as you do to your tooth-brush, Get rid of that source of danger before the germs back up through your system and hit you with something you recognize. Nujol has a gentle, absolutely harmless and absolutely thorough cleansing action upon the intestines, and leaves no after-effect but regular habits. WV, A Nujol is sold only in sealed bot- W ATNINEG? veo beating the Nujol Trade Mark, All druggists in U. S. and Canada. Insist on Nujol. You may suffer from substitutes. Nujol Laboratories STANDARD OIL CO. (NEW JERSEY) “Regular as Clock- Nujol Laboratories, | booklet “Thirty Feet of Dan, Name Address Pa. (New Jeney). Room 10-1. $0 Broadway, New York 50 Broadway, New York Nujol For Constipatio Please send me ttre n and auto-intorication in adults FoR MEN OF BRAINS (GARS “MADE AT KEY WEST— Some children have nodules that betray them as future ministers, but they turn out to be cold-blooded pirates and safe crackers. There are bitter disappointments on every side of life. A Nature Fakir Not all our soldiers are as sentimental about the girls they leave behind them as most of our short-story magazines would have us believe. A friend of a certain soldier at Camp Kearny short time ago picked up his hat and saw the names and addresses of fiv girls, neatly pasted in the crown and just below them this inscription: “Wild Animals I Have Known.” My Limit By Percy Waxman CONFESS that I've been guilty of atrocities galore In prose and essay form, as well as verse T have written passioned paragraphs inspired by the war, have perpetrated fiction too, and worse. T have written words and music for a patriotic song, T have even had the nerve to write a play. Thave published polyphonic things decidedly too long; I have satirized the foibles of the day There is hardly any sort of writing you can name Or any kind of literary sin I haven't yet committed, but I swear that, just the same, I've never written parodies on Kipling’s “Gunga Din.” comicbooks.com