Judge — January 25, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“He Never Makes a Mistake, Because He Never Comes to a Decision” Dr. B. E. Fishent By H.W. Davis Portrait by Avpert Leverinc HAT busy, square-jawed prune over I there fighting his way out of that heap of schedules, blue-prints, and bulletins is the great Dr. B. E. Fishent. He is a man of fifty-five or seventy years, most of which have been spent in being dead sure of things. He hasn’t got very far, for his passion for de- tails has kept down his advancement to two miles a year on the straightaway and to zero on the turns. Dr. Fishent has gone into everything so thoroughly that he knows more than all his superiors ever will know. That is largely what is the matter with him. Besides all that he knows, he has a hair-trigger judgment that works like a trial balance with an error of twenty-one cents, and a lot of foresight, like an adding machine. He never makes a mistake, because he never comes to a de- cision until the details are all in and the chances for doing anything worth while are disappearing round the bend. If he wants to find out how things are getting along in your department, old Dr. Fishent takes two or three weeks off and constructs a questionnaire. In this formid- able document he asks how many minutes a day you. devote to administration, how many to experimentation, and how many to dictation. He tries to find out the difference in efficiency between blue-eyed and brown- eyed office help, what kind of ink you use in your fountain pen, whether you prefer wire or wicker waste baskets, what you eat for lunch on Fridays, what form of recreation you indulge in, and the names and ages of your wife and children. The trouble with Dr. B. E. Fishent is that he won’t look for big things for fear that the little ones will get away from him. In- deed, it has been rumored that just before he passes away he will call in a delegation of undertakers for mposium upon the dura- ty of the various, standard brands of coffin screws. If he gets the information he wants, he'll die happy; if he doesn’t, he won't die. Missing Well, at any rate the German army was able to spend New Year's day in the Fatherland—even though “father” was not present! What Caused the Break “Arthur,” murmured the sweet young thing as she pressed him to her, “cigars are nothing but a habit.” “Yes, and you've succeeded in breaking one of my habits,” Arthur moaned ruefully, as he fished the remains of a near- ana from his vest pocket. Drawn by E,W. Keance Friend Wif Silas, the war ‘d be goin’ yet! Advice Gratis Here is a piece of Good Advice I shall not charge a cent for Don't hire a bigger Hall of Fame Than you can pay the rent for. Twenty Per Cent. Increase Valuation “T feel,” said the statesman, “that Jam gaining in popularity, in strength, with the people. Even today I have had evidence that a higher value is placed on me.” “ How is that?” asked Mrs. States: man. “I noticed, when I was down street, that the five-cent cigar bearing my name has been marked up to six cents.” Can Be Done “The spoken word—why can re- capture it?” “I’ve had fellows make me take it back.” If our boys Over There 'd been as poor shots as you, | | | -. comicbooks.com