Judge — January 11, 1919 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DGE bier, inst Wil inst ‘are- bert lady. rry- run ‘ker. rtha ‘hen lus- ; to the ort yen- uck. Neo- and ded Pee- rris veet the sple rish for Pwo. 10Ww inee t of January 11, 19'9 Guard Duty By Pvt. Curster W. Suarer Imbulance Co. 339, 310th Sanitary Train RIGINALLY guard duty was intended to provide protection for the National Army cantonment. About all it is now, is a means for turning a soldier's thoughts back to the pre-war period and give him just se to wonder why he didn’t save his louis d’ors and picces-of-cight and marry Maggie when he had a chance. As an opportunity for reveries and rumination guard duty is the cuckoo of all the army trades. It can take a man back to the days of the stubbed toe and the all-day sucker on a stick of licorice root. Any soldier, while walking a post, who don’t bridge the gap that separates him from the thrush ho writes once a day and knits the rest, don’t know the virtues of the duty and is only about half-informed on the rules of transportation. As he edges along in a night that is thick and nigrescent, the thoughts of a guard peregrinate hither and thither, and it’s a very poor guard who can’t go back to his barracks with his cor- poral with the impression of his gallant ride through the main streets of Potsdam still fresh in his mind. It’s pretty hard for the private soldier, at this stage of the evening’s entertain- meat, to refrain from putting a polish on his shoulder bars. Guard duty is done on a post under the auspices of the officer-of-the-day, the corporal. of-the-guard and twelve general orders of deportment. The officer-of-the-day must be remembered, the corporal-of-the-guard can’t be neglected and the twelve general orders must be as familiar as the accredited legend on Mary and her lamb. It is never a good plan to go to sleep while on guard. A comfortable snooze on a post usually provides from four to six months’ time to study housing conditions in the immediate vicinity of the guardhouse, or otherwise, as the court martial may direct. Few guards sleep on duty. They’d much rather wait and try to accomplish the same result with pneumonia or multiple myoma. It’s easy enough to get acquainted with an undertaker without the formality of sleeping on guard. This matter is fully covered in the general orders. “To be especially watchful at night and dur- ing the hours for challenging to challenge all persons on or near my post and to allow no one to pass without proper authority.” It’s a famous sentiment. No single paragraph has caused more comment. It has done so much, in fact, that it’s been overdone. References to jokes on challenging will be sent on request. Indexes have been compiled and filing systems arranged so that good service is guaranteed. I—- A Skin Cleared By — Cuticura Soap Ailaraemiats; Soup, Ointment 2 & 6h, Tau 25 Some day special libraries will be constructed to afford protection to this department of war humor. At the present time this practi- cally amounts to a separate branch of the service The average post in a cantonment begins at the southeast corner of the barrack. Thence it runs due north, past the row of garbage cans, over the company street and to the railroad track. At this point the guard jogs right to avoid an empty barrel and swings around an elm tree that was overlooked by the astute business men who sold the reservation to the Govern- ment. Thence he strides past an oil-drum, the garage, the stables, and the lumber pile. Con- tinuing, always to the left, he fords a mud pud- dle, treks through a cornfield, hits the road again at the schoolhouse and passes the ash- heap. From this point he hastens to the south- east corner and starts again, counter-clockwise, as provided. On the first round he counts his paces. On the next he times his pace. After that, by simple addition and plain logic, he learns just how much time he spends on a round, After he gets this information the work is simple and he knows just how many rounds he will make if he is on duty two hours and off duty four. This is his most exciting work. ss Vy Drown by Cacvear Ssrrn A Drop Letter Don’t Send a Penny ‘You will find thie not only the best wear ing bat the beet = looking shoe at anywhere near ite price. You've simply got to see | them in order to realize what a wonderful value they are at our low price. That is why we are willing to eend them to you at once, without a penny down. If not eatio- factory in every way. return them Mourexperse, We take all therak of Pleaein these fine thoes direct to you" Uf you don't cay that herein the Sizes Stoll. Give size, width and style Leonard-Morton & Co., Dept. 1451 Once this is solved he can settle down to his work of guarding and wonder why an oil-drum in the daylight suspicious figure at eleven p. m. Guard duty will always be included in the outline. And as long as it remains in vogue the time on will be spent back home and the time off wearing out stub pens writing back. Any timid young lady who wears a service pin and makes a distinction between cits clothes and khaki should never fear for her lover while he’s on guard. In that capacity he'll never digress. He'll be true. And if he don’t hum “Honey” and make a wish on the evening star this is not a good guess The Notion Counter By Dovcias Matrocn Vl bet it was some married woman who put the bossed in Boston. Even the eternal triangle is now and then a quadrangle. We are seldom called upon to give up | the things that make us unhappy. When it is so hard for him to talk why call it his “maiden speech’? Lucky the man who can laugh at thirt for he may smile at fifty. Some tell their wives everything, but | others are not so versatile. And we'll all drink grape juice when Johnny comes marching home. |. America is the country that put the [pare in the barbarians. } | | The White Man's Burden Mr. Neverwed—What would you do if you found you had a rival for your wife’s affections? Mr. Longwed—1 suppose I'd have to feed it and bathe it and take it out for an airing and pay for its license tag, same as I did for the last mutt she had. comicbooks.com money, ‘style wanted. Orderby No, X14,