Judge, 1918-12-21 · page 2 of 32
Judge — December 21, 1918 — page 2: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Practical Christmas Suggestions" by Gladys M. Hall This satirical poem addresses Christmas gift-giving during wartime (likely WWI, given references to soldiers). The humor relies on patriotic guilt and rationing consciousness: - **Father's plug tobacco**: Framed as patriotic—"what the soldiers use" - **Baby's doll**: Must be American (U.S. stamp), not German - **Aunt's stockings**: "Khaki-colored, Military style"—fashionable sacrifice - **Mother's butter**: Luxuries are questioned; coal is suggested instead - **No candy/rings**: Non-essentials criticized as unpatriotic The satire mocks how wartime messaging pressures civilians into "practical" gifts by wrapping deprivation in patriotic language. What should be joyful giving becomes duty-driven austerity. The poem's tone—slightly exasperated—suggests Hall found these suggestions absurdly restrictive, yet socially inescapable.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Practical Christmas Suggestions By Grapys M. Har O your Christmas shop- D ping early! Yes, but tell me what to buy. Everything that I have thought of Is tabooed, or priced too high! Gifts must not be non-essentials. Buy some worthy, useful thing For your pretty little sweetheart— (No! You must not give a ring.) No more candy. Why not send her Half a ton of coal, or so? She’ll appreciate your present When the winds begin to blow. Do not give your aunt silk hosiery; Knitted wear is all the go. Buy her khaki-colored stockings, Military style, you know. *Ome year $5. Thirteen weeks $1. Get your father plug tobacco; That is what the soldiers use. Every patriot now buys Cut- Plug. (It’s no matter if he chews.) Baby sister wants a dollie. Do not get a German toy! Buy instead a W. S. S. stamp— Five years hence ’twill bring her joy. What on earth shall I get Mother? Must be something very nice! How about a pound of butter— If you can afford the price? There are many more suggestions; Some of them I cannot ‘rhyme. Here’s a hint, though, ‘that will help you— * Judge is welcome any time! Judge—The Happy Medium 225 Fifth Avenue, New York City