Judge — December 7, 1918 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

We would like to look at one of your AX) waterproof automatic pianos for the Henry AY wal trenches I see theyre opery, Lew nN — Ss Teles: \ | | TEER | 7 | : Hy —_ | = Cross section of the new bomb- Proof safety razor Going to give the any cabaret E A T S By Watt Mason “Uncle” Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge EFORE the war we used to sigh when we spent money for a pie. “Gac zooks and cke odsbloo we swore, to him who ran the doughnut store, “your prices surely are a frost! There is no sense insuchacost. When we were young a man could buy the smoothest kind of pumpkin pie, two inches thick and nobly planned, for half of what you now demand!”” Then we would wreck the baker's store, and with his person mop the floor, and all the crowd would sym- pathize—no man should raise the price of pies. When we look back to those brave times before the Teuton wrought his crimes, we wonder that we had the crust to kick at prices fair and just. Go, price the pumpkin pies today, and that will turn your whiskers gray. And war-time pies are punk and thin; the baker put no filling in; helmet and, being short of flour, the gent made piecrust of a cheap cement. Before the war we raised the deuce, and turned all kinds of lan- <<» There wasnt gu loose if things were not [fens 4 boys in the about Vater delivered prompt, e’en though the and some |} trenches 2 abbot there Chic? merchant might be swamped. 2 bath rogn | | ttle grand- ~ I well recall how on a day I called upon the butcher jay, and read the riot act aloud, until his head, abashed, was bowed. “At eight o’clock, by Greenwich time, | bought some liver for a dime. You said you'd send it out by noon; it’s now past three, you blamed gossoon, and I’ve received no liver yet, and won’t for two hours more, Vl bet. If you desire to hold my trade, this sort of game can’t twice Dron by Dox Henovn Cute Littte Xmas Girts ror tue Boys “Over There” “Experience” By Gitwore Corsin HE Serio-Comic Post-Graduate Course in the University of Hard-Knocks. The First Tool You Pick Up and the Last You Learn to Manipulate. An Added Feather in the Fool’s Cap of Vanity “Once-upon-a-Time” Resurrected; to Obstruct Traffic “Right Now!" A Cobweb Substitute for Presence of Mind The Cheerful Conundrum of Youth, the Recalcitrant Boast of Middle Life, and the Tissue-Paper Shield of Old Age. be played. Another man is selling meat in yonder market ‘cross the street, and if you fool me just once more Ill go and traffic at his store. The heel of no blamed plutocrat can grind my toil-worn features flat. My fathers died at Valley Forge defeating Hessians of King George; their blood is throbbing in my frame, and I won’t stand for your cheap game. You send that liver p. d. q., oF you will lose my trade with you!” ‘Today I sought the butcher’s shack, and bowed until I sprained my back, and said, in meek and humble tones, “Three weeks ago I bought soup bones, for which I blew a picayune; think you they'll reach me pretty soon? I'd be so thankful if you’ll try to send them out ere next July.” comicbooks.com