Judge — November 16, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ecce LM = oe nw ee ea ee: After the War: “Uncle” Walt’s Exclusic HEN this long weary war is done, I'll go around the town and say, “I am the man who squelched the Hun—I ate corn bread three times a day. My friends, had it not been for me, the war would still be dragging on; and Prussian hosts across the sea would still be strong, so help me John! “But when the drum- by Walt Mason Weekly Message to Judge am the man who wore a hat at least four seasons out of date. And in discarded pantaloons around the town I used to tramp, that I might save some picayunes to buy another green thrift stamp. “And now I run for county clerk—the salary will meet my needs—and you'll admit I was no shirk when war demanded noble deeds. I was the first. man in beats filled the land, and I could hear the trumpets bray, I said, ‘I'll save my native land—I'll eat corn bread three times a day.” “IT also cut out pie and cake, and filled my- self with home-made slaw; and I eschewed the lus- cious steak to eat a lot of moldy straw. [I am not anxious to parade the loyal things I've done, dzook, but sacrifices I ve made, if written out, would filla book. I helped our boysin fieldand camp, — Vrawn by BE. F I helped our boys across the sea; I went and bought a green thrift stamp, which cost two bits, it seems to me. “And now I run for county clerk; I’ve earned suc- cess, as you'll agree; just view the record of my work, and see how loyal man can be. I am the man who trampled flat the German Empire, strong and great; | Ix Kaiser But I Preachment and Practice oe HE Presiding Elder says that we should all live as if each day was to be our last,” said Mrs. Johnson “Eh-yah!” returned Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge. Ark. “I notice that he eats as if there was n tomorrow.” Reflected Mugs “They say when a man and his wife have lived together some years, they grow to be much alike.” “True. Look a Slimson. Since he mar ried he is takin quite a manly look on Same Thing “Where's your fa- ther?” “I don’t know. But he told me he was going out to consummate a big financial deal. “Then he is either pace by tem W down in Wall Street or Mrs. Se at his tailor’s.’ Mrs. Ne our street, perhaps the first in all the town, to ear old shoes upon my feet, that tyrants might be beaten down. “IT whipped the Ger- man and the Turk, I got their everlasting goats; and now I run for county clerk, I hope you'll all give me your votes “Tis true I cannot read or write, or count up figures worth a hoot, but I’m the man who won the fight and put the ki- bosh on the Teut. “'Tis true that in the long ago I spent two stretches in the pen, but things like that won't count, I know, with earnest, patriotic men. “In Kaiser Bill I pushed the dirk, made Kaiser Karl an also ran; and now I run for county clerk, I need the vote of every man.” Pusneo tHe Dirk.” Sure Enough Wealth,” quoth we, “does not bring happiness.” “It brings it fully as often as poverty does,” replied the man had no reverence for ancient saws Overtrained “Who was responsi- ble for your not having any gas in your car you or your wife?” My wife of course She reminded me about it so often that I forgot it” Phosphorescent “¢ you “Sorry, but I haven't anything but a = war match.” sive mea light, will ery Little Counts There goes that ass Bunson. That fellow ought to be drafted into the army.”” “But why slow up the war?” comicbooks.com