Judge — October 5, 1918 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ae eee eee oe “Hit was Unc. Bee Sting Sam.” “What made you go to Bee Sting Sam? “T dun hear um say dat ef de docter say dey is sump- tin’ er matter wid yer, yer done never have to go to fight. So I goes to Unc. Bee Sting Sam an’ he "zamined Tu Much Vater By Jay Tuostas US PETERSON ha bane grate faller for drenking, but ha ain’t vant annie vone tu knowing it, so dis Gus ha talk lak prohibitions party avery tam ha skal mention viskey in publics places. Of me. I ain’t mind de snake ile, nur de skunk grease, nur de uver stuff whut he use, pyoen by Mennite De Manis but when he put dat rabbit foot on de back er my nake fur to ’zamine my heart, dat sho did pester me. An arter he gits dun, he tole me I’s got al de ’zeeses I dun specify, an’ say I ain’t have to register nur nothin’.”” hen you did not intentionally evade the draft law “T don know ‘zactly whut yer mean by ’vadin’ de draf? law, but whut I’s dun, I’s dun ‘tentionally, an’ whut I ain’t dun I ain’t dun ‘tentionally.” “Are you willing to fight for Uncle Sam?” “Whut’s I gwine fight fur Uncle Sam fur? He’s the most peaceablest ole nigger whut dey is. He ain’t gwine start no trouble.” “IT mean are you willing to fight’ for your country—for the United States?” “Well, I ain’t huntin’ no trouble an’ I dun know nuth- in’ erbout fightin’ wid no kind of weepon, ’sepin er razor, but effen de boss man y, ‘Come on, Joe,’ den Joe’s cummin’. “Can you read or write?” “Yars, suh.” “Well, read this paper and sign your name toi “Boss, dese wuds is fix up so cur’is like I can’t make out jist ’zactly whut dey says, an’ I ain’t get de letters in my name fixt in de right place. You all’s got de pen dar, jis write hit down for me.” “Very well, Joe. We'll soon have you in the trenches.” “Nor, suh, you done git me in no trinches. When I fights, I’s got to have elbow room. You don’t git dis yere nigger in no corner.” “Why not?” “Becase I'd er heap ruther hear um say, ‘Yonder he goes,’ den ter hear um say, ‘Thar he lays.’” All right, Joe. You'll have to be examined again, and we'll check up Uncle Bee Sting Sam’s diagnosis with Drven by RB, Peuen the opinion of another doc- ‘Tye Postwax Decives to Restcx or THe Wan. tor. That’s all now.” “Ir Don’t Matrer How Hanpsome a Guy Is, He Dos't Staxo No Cuaxct Wrr'out a Ustrorst!” course ven ha vas in blinds pig, vere they ain’t no vone can sea hem, Gus ha don’t hav tu bee so. partickular and then ha drenk yust sum so much viskey as annie vone o’ dem faller from Kansas. Avery Tursdays night dis har Gus ha vent tu pray- ing meating and ven the preaching faller ask for testi- mony ha yump right up and mak speach yust sum so qvuick and fast lak dis har Villie Sunday. Vone Tursday afternoon Gus bane drenking viskey in blinds pig and ha git so many drenk ha ain’t can sea hemself, so ha asking Ole Swanson tu took hem tu church, Ven they git there the church vas crowded so Gus and Ole tak seat in backs row. After vile the preacher skal ask for testimony and Gus ha bane the vary first faller tu talk. “Ven Ay bane young mans,” Gus say, “Ay vas vary vicked, alvays drenking and gamble, but Ay saw the errors of my vay and now Ay skal talk and vork against the il of viskey “Avery day ve can sea sum terrible example of the harm viskey du tu the hoo- man races. Only last night a young man right har in this city drenk a lot of viskey and then ha go down and fall in the bay and vas drown. “Now, sister and brothers, Ay lak tu ask yu, vot does that prove?” “Ay can told yu vot it prove,” answer Ole, as ha yump tu his feets. “It prove yu don’t vant tu tak tu much vater vith your viskey.” The Hand That Fed Her Lady (to colored servant)— I've told you several times, Lily, to put your hand over your mouth when you yawn. Lily—Yas'm, but I got bit the last time I tried it. Whaddaya Mean? Friend—I don’t get the mean- ing of your painting. Artist—Thank you, old man, wz Duration h for the compliment. comicbooks.com