Judge — October 5, 1918 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

June for publication, and each week $5 is ‘Tent and Deck Wheezes Ltiltiongy a ae ea pays $1 each for original jokes sent by sol arded for ¢ Not Used to a Trigger Ry Per, Acsniy P. Ziewt, Bat, A, 26th P. A, West Point, Ky. Figs Soldier—For Heaven's sake, man! Don’t point that loaded gun at me! Second Soldierp—Never mind, old scout. I ain’t a very good shot. Lost and Found By Senor, Geonoe Warren Jouxsos, 111th Ord. Dep. Co Camp Grant, HL Captain (to recruit)h—“Why aren't you in line there? In what squad do you belong? Trembling Recruit—I don't know, sir! I haven't been squatified yet. Ludendorff Could Use Him, Now Ry Por, Avares P. Zacur, Bot. A, 320th PA, West Point, Ky. “I suppose your new boss recognized your unusual abilities at once.” Yes, the first day I was in the office he asked me to explain to his wife over the telephone why he didn’t get home the night before.” Fortune's Favorite - By Por. Joux L. Serecascnen, Battery C, 125th P. A, Fort Sill, Okla A new recruit passed an officer without saluting. The officer stopped him and asked why he didn’t salute. “Why should I salute you “ Because I am an officer." “Well, you lucky son-of-a-gun!”’ asked the recruit. ‘said the recruit. Twisted Technique By Por. Jauns H, Srenais, Med, Dept, Fort Liscum, Reveille had sounded, and Private Fisher came rushing into line—late. To his consterna- tion, he found that he had put his leggings on the wrong legs. But to the angry sergeant’s question as to why he had them on thus, he replied: “Tt was a mistak: What do you mean, mistake?” Why, sir, when I put on my leggings, I had my legs crossed.” Hasta, In Deep By Revors J. Gare, S. 8. 0. 588 Coneois tiatrmotiler, France An American ambulance driver in the French army, running over a road under heavy shell fire, saw a greea driver with a G. M. C, truck in a shell hole. “Stuck, old man?” “Yes, this is my first time under fire. You see, they always told me a shell never hits the same place twice, so I drives into this hole and well, by gum, pard, can’t you pull me out? Drawn by Rarwoxo H. 1 No, They'll Put Him on the Kitchen Police Force Seactant Rarew Newsos, U.S. MC An’ till me, Sergeant, if my boy Michael jines the Marines will they set » work mixing this trench mortar I read about? This Week's $5 Prize Winner. . The Vanishing Line By Bootes Locis Ware, Co. 4, Ordnance Depet, Camp Raritan, N.'J. An Irish drill sergeant was putting a lot of green recruits through the differers movements. He gave them “Right Dress.” Try as he would, ke couldn't get a straight line. Finally in exasperation ke shouted: “What's the mather =? Can’ That line is as crooked as a corkscrew. fall out and take a look at it.” ye line up? All of yez Re-volting Hy Senceast C.T. Wansen, Camp Hospital 56, 4. BE. P., France Colored Patient in Hospital—Boss, how do you all do yoh cookin’ in thah? Orderly—Well, Sam, you know we have the latest fandangled methods over here; in fact, we do our cooking by electricity. Colored Patient in Hospital—Hum, by e-lec- tricity, huh? Well, boss, you sho’ ought to have given dem beans anotha shock. sir. She Might at Least Have Worn Leather Leggings! We KIN, 190th Aero Squas It wasn’t Private Jones's fault that it happened to be the Captain's wife. A Touching Recognition By Seacrest Leo P. Gestwen, ft Clo mond Orinarce Dejut, Pig COLO) of a colored regiment coming in about ten-thirty was duly challenged by the sentry and responded, “ Colonel , Officer of the Camp.” The sentry tried his best to pierce the darkness, gave it up, and finally said, “Looky ‘eah, man, yo-all ah de foth man what's done tried to make me think he’s Cunnel - , go way did dat stuff.” The colonel pretty warmly reaffirmed that he was Colonel —, and demanded immediate admission. The guard unabashed told him to step up so that he could see him. The colonel walked up to him in a rage, and you can imagine his consternation when the sentry took hold of the silver cagle on his shoulder, looked up at him with a grin on his face and said: “Oh, Lawsy! ‘tis de ole bird, ain't it?” amp Hostal, No The Test of Veracity By Conroust Hanon Haverneer, Sup. Det. Marine Barrocks, 3 land, Vallejo, Cal. Private Murphy was too fond of imbibing, and to keep him in the straight way the commanding officer restricted him to the camp. Finally, weary and thirsty from confinement, Murphy hit upon an expedient. Going into the august presence of the commanding officer, he said: ll. She needs me. May I go to her at once And the plan worked; Murphy given a five-day leave. He was careful to return in good physical condition; but after being in camp twenty-four hours, the temptation came upon him again, stronger than ever. Appearing once more before the commanding officer, he plead his wife's illness. He was lucky again, but this time he hit it off for a good spree, the effects of which were still with him when he reappeared in camp. “‘Murphy,’? the commanding officer said, “I am disappointed in you. You have deceived me. While you were away I called your wife up and asked her if she were over her illness and if it pleased her to have you with her. She said she had never been ill and that you had never been near her. What have you to say for yourself?” “Sir,” answered the unabashed Murphy, “I, too, am disappointed. And if it isn’t being insolent, sir, I'd like to say I’ll be —— if I know which is the bigger liar, you or me, for begorra I never had a wife.” ” comicbooks.com