Judge — September 28, 1918 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Shaving Thoughts OMETIMES a hus- band can’t even make his wife do what she wants to do. Some women are will- ing enough to practise economy. But their hus- bands can’t afford to pay for the experiment. We have come to the conclusion that a man doesn’t really love either women or children unless he allows them to impose on him. And now by some — Drawn by Cauveur Swi irony of Fate we strongly suspect that just as women seem likely to get their political deserts, most of them would rather have potatoes. “Waist Nor—Want Nor.” Chance to Shine “She has no bump of order, no idea of system.”” “She might do well in a pickle factory at that.” “Tn what capacity?”” “Give her the job of mixing the pickles.” They'll Learn to Chin and Bear It “ Married life is frequently lived on that basis, my friend.” she'd rather be miserable with me than happy The Depth-Bomb of Patriotism Our little neighbor, Beatrice, age five, quar- relled with her uncle, age twelve, and running into the house, with eyes flash- ing and cheeks aflame, cried out “Oh, if I only had one of those liberty bombs I'd blow him up!” The Village Oracles “Them gents, lopping ‘on the benches over there in the shade of the court- house square,” said the landlord of the Petunia tavern, “assemble ‘most every pleasant afternoon to talk things over. And while they are at it they talk them over and under and across and round and round and through and up and down and athwart and diagonal and back and forth and sideways.” “Indeed!” returned the solemn guest. “‘And what is it that they talk over in the various directions you mention?” “Nothing,” replied mine host. A Restricted Suburb “Know anything about golf?” “Not much.” “IT don’t want to shock my swell neighbors. What’s the proper club to beat a carpet with?” Knowing the Kaiser: 6y Walt Mason “Uncle” Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge HE kaiser’s dentist tells us how he manicured that monarch’s teeth, and brought the cold sweat to his brow, until it soaked his crown and wreath. The able dentist plied his tongs, and pulled old molars from their place, while Wilhelm talked about the wrongs long suffered by the German race. No man can cor another's fangs, the old brown molars out of reach, and listen to his punk harangues, and still regard him as a peach. And so the kaiser’s dentist thinks that Wilhelm is a false alarm, and all his sons are dippy ginks, and all his womenfolk lack charm. The kaiser’s tailor soon will spring a book about his royal nobs, and show he is a jimcrow king, unfit to hold the cheapest jobs. This tailor, with his yard of tape, has measured Wilhelm up and down, and knows each angle of his shape, his every curve, from heel to crown. He's fitted him with coat and kilt, ad- justed rags to every bone, and he will show that one so Drawn by E. Prowns “Tue Katser’s Tartor Soon Witt Srrinc a Boox Anout His Royat Noss.” built should not be trusted with a throne. You cannot use a two-foot rule upon a layman or a king, but your respect will soon grow cool, and you'll roast him like everything. The kaiser’s cobbler soon will treat the public to a useful tome; he tinkered with the monarch’s feet, right in that august ruler’s home. He saw the bunion and the corn that were concealed from ublic view, and he regards old Bill with scorn, and so would I, and so would you. No man can groom another's hoofs and look on him with aught but scorn, though he may dwell ’neath royal roofs, and drink his beer from golden horn. The kaiser’s barber soon will rint a book concerning Potsdam ife, in which he'll more than broadly hint that kaiser Wilhem beats his wife. The kaiser’s butler will relate that Bill, the thriftiest of gents, is ne’er so lost in pomp and state that he won’t borrow fifty cents. The kaiser’s chauffeur and his cook are busy with their pens and ink; oh, everyone will write a book, and all will tell just what they think! comicbooks.com | | | | | |