Judge — August 31, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

he ought to make endeavor. And so I seek some quiet spot where thoughtful folk are talking philosophy or tommyrot, avoiding subjects shocking. I go to church on Sunday morn to hear a helpful sermon; the cler- gyman, with words of scorn, lam- basts the brutal German. He quotes a lot of texts toshow that we should lynch the kaiser; if he would let up on the foe methinks he would be wiser. I watch the children at their play, I see them round me scootin’; and they're pretending that they slay Be a eat 3 5 AS ~~. ) H he coarse and kultured Teuton. lisping maids are lugging strips of lumber, and kill, with such unwonted blades the Prussians, without number. A Misleading Term “ ELL,” said the bone-dry worker, “I guess we've got John Barleycorn on the hip now, sure.’ “Well, speakin’ for myself,” said the unregenerate party, HEY talk of war, for all they’re worth, much interest denotin’. Is there no spot on all the | ; si earth where war talk is verboten? ay times I’d talk of other a things, of goslings and of ganders, 1] perhaps of cabbages and kings, or i bob-tailed salamanders. It is not i well, L hold, for man to talk of gore Pd forever; to follow up another plan +] P Pp rt ; Draven by E. Fuourt “He's Puttinc Up a Loup Lament Tuat “T've got a little old half pint of him there.”” Righteous Indignation i ; t High—Grumps is sore at d /() the Evening News Jinks—Why? High—He lost fifty dol- Jars in that train hold-up i last week, and the News { said the bandits got little or nothing. His Opportunity Visitor—What became of that fellow who used to sit around the store here and tell how he'd run this war? Citizen — He's got his chance. He left with the last draft contingent They Have Their Uses | Sillicus—1I wonder if a society woman really finds a husband useful? Cynicus —Oh, yes, at times; when she wants to make some other man jeal- ous, for instance. Mae—And is the sergeant good loc Bess—Well, he’s got ten sweaters now, and twelve more being knit! Oh, even little Some- He Can Do No Scrarrixc king scrapping. The Universal Theme: 4y Walt Mason “Uncle” Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge I see the grandsire, old and bent, and when he isn’t napping he’s putting up a loud lament that he can do no i He’s telling how if he were hale he'd load himself with rifles, and arbalests and coats of mail, and swords and other trifles, and clean up all the Prussian gang, the Prussians punk and naughty; and as [ list to his harangue I feel that he is dotty. Last night I met a damsel fair, and started conversation; I told her of the bracing air I’d found on my vacation. I tried to talk to her of art, of music and of letters; such things are closer to my heart than kings and their abettors. She said, “What are you talking for of things so vain and silly? The only things that count are war and bones and kaiser Billy! Oh, how I wish I were a man, with sword the foeman hewing! A woman is an also ran when mighty things are i doing! Is there no sweet and quiet spot where war talk is forbidden, where one may hand out tommyrot, and not be scorned or chidden? Quite Likely Hewitt—Who was the fellow who sold his birthright for a mess of pottage? Jewett—1 don’t know, but I'll bet that, if he had known enough to advertise, he could have made a better bargain Congenial Work “Would you be willing to work your way through college?” “T wouldn't mind work- ing my way through a girls’ college, dad.” The First One -idam—That snake is going to e trouble. Exe—Think so? Adam—Yes; I believe he is an enemy alien. Doing It Lecturer—Evil should be punished. Booze is an evil. use—That’sh me. Been punishin’ booze all m’ life. A Queer Fellow “They say he made a hundred thousand a year.” “Real money?” ‘No. He was a coun- terfeiter.” comicbooks.com