Judge — July 20, 1918 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hints for Kickers By Kexnetu L. Rowerts Te more pessimistically inclined declare that woolen suits will ost from two to five times as much next year as at present. Any- body who really believes this, and whois losing sleep worrying over the outlook, can obtain a number of very fair woolen suits for nothing by enlisting. Many confirmed smokers are finding it impossible to ob- tain the brands of cigarettes and smoking tobaccos to which they have been accustomed. Those who feel that their “1s vou d health will be endangered by f this deprivation can, if garbed in a United States Army uniform, purchase all the old stand-bys in the line of tobaccos and cigarettes at all army canteens and Y. M. C. A. huts. Those whose motor-boating has been spoiled by the government's refusal to sell fuel-oil to private owners can get their usual amount of salt-water travel by join- ing the United States Navy. in the ed In the Same Boat “THESE masked ball romances make me sick,” groaned the fat man. “I thought I was marrying a popular society girl, and afterwards I discovered that she was only a cook.” “Me too,” weakly agreed the shriveled dyspeptic. “I thought I was marrying a good cook, and she turned out to be only a popular society girl.” Timely Proverbs A ship a day keeps the Hun away. '+ An airplane in time saves nine Experience is a dear school, but pacifists will learn in no other, . A friend with the feed is a friend indeed. Pro-Germans yet you may, No Kaiser’s rule will last for aye. turn while Dwelling Together in Unity “How are you getting along with your new neighbor on the west? “ Finer than frog’s hair!” re- plied Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “We hain’t took a shot at each other more than about twice in the whole six weeks he's been yur.” by J. R. Suaver catch by Aw Awrut Suock to Motuer Tough Kid—Heilo! Carrots. Mother's Boy—Hello! Spider The Great Menace By ‘I ZW Americans are alive to the fact that we are menaced by an army greater than that which is menacing Europe at present. All over the country it is springing up, in the fields, in the cities, at the seashore. Its members require no training, they are perfect in their art from birth. They have no flag and no leader. They are en- cumbered with no baggage trains and have no lines of communication to keep open. Being ignorant of death, they do not fear it and the most fright- ful slaughter does not dismay them. With lightning rapidity, they move from place to place, so that they seem to be everywhere. There are no slackers in this army. Each member is firmly alive to the necessity of doing his bit. Like the leaves of the trees, of the stars of the milky way, they are innu- merable. Swiftly, silently they have arrived at our very gates. The mosquitos are here. T. FL Mrreneut Mrs sin a war garden.” service, The Progress of Democracy Is one of the western states, an old darky who had not read in advance of the recent eclipse of the sun, came out of a dark cellar just as the eclipse reached its totality. Peering into the darkness in amazement, he inquired: “Land sakes! What kind ob a daylight savin’ Lill has dat Congress passed now?” His Reason Rastus—So's yo gwine to jine de army. Why don't yo jine de navy instead? Sambo—Niggah, Ah can run fastah dan Ah can swim. No Amateurs Need Apply Somme—Hello! What are you doing these days? Moore—Oh, just keeping solvent. Somme—Keeping solvent? Moore—Sure. That's a business in itself these days! A Famous General Dying! General Laziness is reported to be dying in this country, as a result of the war. True, Anyhow There’s little poetry in this, But much truth, you will own: The hand that pulls the trigger is The hand that rocks the throne. comicbooks.com