Judge, 1918-07-13 · page 7 of 36
Judge — July 13, 1918 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains two satirical pieces: **Top Cartoon (Gorman Grant):** Two American soldiers discuss military terminology. "Private Fross" asks what "D.S.O." means; "Private Snow" admits ignorance but mentions he has "considerable W.S.S. maself"—likely referencing military honors and war bonds/savings stamps. **Text Essay (below):** The author humorously argues that American writers—specifically George Ade, Rex Beach, and Booth Tarkington—lack proper literary stature because they don't sport impressive facial hair like Mark Twain, H.G. Wells, or French Marshal Joffre. The satire mocks the era's association of masculine authority and intellectual credibility with elaborate beards and mustaches. The author absurdly claims that simply growing facial hair would elevate these writers' accomplishments and public standing—a tongue-in-cheek commentary on how superficial presentation affected contemporary respect for artists.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Dracen by Gorvox Grant Pricate Fross—Wuzzat mean? Private Snow—1 donno, but I wa Cooper. Ade has a good face, as the faces of humorists go, but he can never hope to attain a place in the af- fections of the American people like that of the late Mark Twain (to point an instance) until he learns the power of a mighty mustache and grows one as virile as that of H. G. Wells. _ It is perfectly clear in study- ing Ade’s facial projections that something is amiss; it is equally clear to me that that something is whiskers and plenty of them. I would like to take him aside and demonstrate to his satisfaction that all he needs to place him in the front rank of native literarians is a generous under-chin blos- soming byssus. And Rex Beach—there is a good writ- ing-man lost in the movies for lack of proper hirsute support. With his prize- fighter’s physique, there should be no limit to his accomplishments in letters, provided he armed himself with Matthew Arnold cheek cornices or a good, stout Ruskinian beard. Beach has a sound, basic principle in his countenance, good material to build on, and by Laxc Campsett h wa moth balls.” ating holes in a service flag.” I m against a cobble-stone and shoot him with Private Snow—One of dese yere English Tommies done tol’ me today dat he got a D.§. O. sompin’ er ruther. *t lettin’ him put anythin’ ovah on me, so I tol’ him I had consid’able W. S. S. maself. without doubt he could soon realize his pet ambition of becoming a war correspondent had he the insight to cultivate mustachios like those, say, of Marshal Joffre or a burning bush like that of Bernard Shaw. And Booth Tarkington! What a blank but gorgeous canvas for a whiskered masterpiece! I could almost weep when I look upon the superb background afforded by Tarkington’s visage for the cubistic display of a set of waving Don Quixotes. It is no good for you to suggest the possibility of eliminating man_ entirely and depending upon the world’s progress solely on the genius of the unaided whisker. That puts you down as insincere. My claim rests upon the fact that the natural forces with- in a man which make him mentally and physically fit are supplemented and am- plified by the addition of deeply anchored hair nim- busing his countenance. Baldness is not natural; bald of face, bald of soul, sez You can’t separate the mind from the body any comicbooks.com