Judge — July 13, 1918 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How To Be Happy though ‘‘Hooverized"” NVLOINA drink Evans NON-INTOXICATING There you find comfort that makes duty 2 pl The non ing drin the Up-to-Date G Deugeists and Dealers CH. EVANS ASONS Fi ocab 1785 MUDSON, N. ¥ | FUN from the FIGHTERS Ringers About the only ornaments some fellows wear in this army are the rings of dirt around their necks.—Trench and Camp. A Reminder “Dear Sir,” wrote the rookie who had been here two weeks, to the General; “Would it be treason for us to be k United States and utterly disreg: Which reminds us that it is “skeeter np Dix (N. J.) Fen Every’s It requires more than a mere crossing of the fingers to influence the decisions of the top- cutter when the duty roster is in the process of | construction.—Trench and Camp. Taking No Chances A colored soldier hurried into one of the " buildings the other day with the light of a “y great idea illuminating his shining face. ing a secretary, he asked “Are you-all Mister Y.M.C, A?” “That's my name.’ “Can you loan me a Sight And Then pair of boxin’ gloves?” “T expect. we can fix you up all right.” The colored boy leaned and in a over the desk low, confidential tone whispered “Mr. Y.M. C. Az 1 wants you-all to do me a very most important favor. I a chunk of lead or wants you to sew slip a horseshoe into one There's what any of them gloves. a nigger up brags he can boy on the street and I here lick wants you to fix it up so I bust his fool head clear off.""—Trench and Camp. Character Sketches Expression on a recruit’s face when the company commander asks him what his sen- ury’s orders are: —Sketch by Pearce.—Great Lakes Bulletin The Rookie’s Pride Going Up The aviator’s wife was taking her first trip with her husband in an airplane. “Wait a min- ute, George,” she said, “I am afraid we will have to go down again.” What's wrong?” asked the husband “T believe I dropped one of the pearl buttons from my jacket. I can see it glistening on the ground.” “Keep your seat, my dear,” said the aviator, | “that’s Lake Erie.”"—The Broadside. | | ¥ ROMEIKE’S one CLIPPING BUREAU | rill send you all news: clippingrwhich may appear at ject on which you may wan’ per and periodical of im Burope is searched. Terms HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh A He Wonders After the average soldier gets his pack up neatly enough to pass inspection he wonders why his parents overlooked “ Euclid” when they named him.—Trench and Camp The Mess Cook (With Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe) I was sitting at the table, Thinking of the days of yore, When there was no conservat And the chow was not so pc On the deck there came a tap That I'd never heard before And it surely made me sore, To hear that rapping, tapping, That I'd never heard before. JUDGE ¢ mess-cook; DOr. Then there came a starvi Coming from the galley Give me food, IT cried in anger. Quoth the mess cook “Nevermore.” Get me chow I cried anguish, Lentreat or I implore, From lips in accents mournful Came this sentence “Ain't no more.” in the Guard-House Then I raved like one de- mented From my head the hair I tore Vl eat hardtack, I lion, Anything I've had before, Oh have some mercy, Ere I starve, give me succor, But this villain only mut- tered, Muttered softly, “Ain't no more.’ beans, you mess-cook, Now I ponder And I wonder As I've wondered oft before, What to do to stop that croaking That eternal, more.” I'm “Ain't no sick of lookin’ I might beat him, kill him, choke him, Choke him till his throat was sore; With last expiring breath he'd whisper, Whisper softly, “Ain't no more” ‘Travcuper, Log-room Yeoman, U.S. S. Monterey. —Our Navy. All Is Not Sale That's Bitter Some of the saltiest looking guys you see have yet to get one foot on a gang-plank, which only gocs to show you that you can never tell the speed of a boat by the color of the coffee in the galley.—The Broadside. Nit “Men Who Knit for Soldiers in Spare Time” is a heading noted this week. From now on soldiers may be expected to look askance at any knitted stuff they get.—Camp Logan Reveille. Winners Shekels And Chuckles Will Win The War. —Trench and Camp. KOADWAY at 63rd Street, NEW YORK MST, caveniently situated hotel at popular rates in the heart of everything. Rates single rooms, $1. Room with wate bath, $1.50. Parlor Bedroom and bath (for 2)$2.50. Wnte for booklet “What's Going On.” P. V. LAND, Manager. WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? Protect your ideas, they may bring you wealth. Write for “Needed Inventions” and “How to Get Your Patent and Your Money.” Randolph & Co., Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129. Washington. D. C.