Judge — May 11, 1918 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Persimmons and Poundcake By Benjamin De Casseres ‘O great French author N could understand an American story that is risqué. Love was old when the world was young; and will be young when the world is old. Life has no years; it is as young as first love, and is never any older. Tell a woman you under- stand her and she may love you; if she discovers it is really true, she will hate you. ot Humor is the ladder in the ec closet on which we scramble to the roof of the House of Life. Courtship is done in fine linen and swishy silks; after the honeymoon comes the overalls. Women that “float around” are generally followed by sharks. : A day without its temptation is a saltless day. Hope is the bill-of-fare from Belshazzar’s feast do- nated to Lazarus. Per sant — no ones Drawn by R. B. Fu the end of my garden.” “Sure, Jones, use my garden tools any time you like, but you notice they are chained so they only reach to When the train of a wo- man’s reasoning jumps the rails she is again a real woman. Man is neither wise nor foolish—he is just incompe- tent. To be ahead of your time is to die prematurely young. When the Trump sounds see that you have your pass- port to the Valhalla of humor! Ever Notice? Many a resolution which has been formally adopted is treated like an orphan. Her Opinion Mrs. Willis—Mrs. Bump caught her husband kissing the hired girl. What do you think of that? Mrs, Gillis—I don’t really know. I've never seen either Mrs. Bump or the hired girl. The Modern Reading Alicia—Congratulate me. This is my tin wedding day. Guest—Oh; nonsense! You are too young and pretty to have been married ten y Alicia—You don’t understand. the tenth time. Today I was married for Drawn by E. Frourt The War Machine: 46y Walt Mason Uncle Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge HE kaiser had a war machine; he worked on it for years; and such a thing was never seen since Adam soaked his steers. The other monarchs went to see the boys play basket ball, but Billy Hohenzollern, he would waste no time at all. He labored daily at his bench, with pinion, shaft and gear; he sweated round with monkey wrench, through all the long, long year. Oh, other kings might idly play upon the village green, but Billy worked and worked away to build his war machine. And all the time he handed us large parcels of hot air, when we, attracted by the fuss, asked, “What ye doing there?” Then Billy bowed his backless head, with bland and childlike mien, and through his spiked tin hat he said, “I build a peace machine.” The other monarchs winked and cried, “This William is a jo; his name is Nuts, so let us slide and see the movie show. Let every king escort his queen, his nephew and his niece, while William builds his peace machine, and daubs himself with grease.” I wonder how we were so blind, the kings and voters, too, when I sit down and look behind on history in view. Our blindness was a sin and shame; we fooled with dressing eyes, while William played his flimflam game, and not a soul got wise. And then at last the war machine was ready for its test; Bill filled its tank with gasoline, and sent it galley west. And then at last, at last we saw what William’s workshop meant; and chills and fever hit the craw of every living gent. Then monarchs who had spent their time at checkers and at chess, saw how their blindness was acrime, and wept in their distress. Oh, Bill’s machine has failed, ’tis true, to gain its destined goal; some blowouts and a skid or two have putitin the hole. It missed the end for which ’twas hurled at us by Bill, the clown, but it has spoiled a pleasant world and turned it upside down. And never more while grass is green, and stars in heaven burn, can kaiser build a war machine and prove that it’s a churn. icbooks.com