Judge — May 4, 1918 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| | tay 4, 1918 The Notion Counter By Douctas Mattocu N the interest of conservation I pro- | pose that those who drink shall not smoke, that those who smoke shall not chew gum, and that those who chew gum shall not eat fudge. “One habit per man” is my slogan until the war is over. I recall that my Sunday school teacher ace praised me for being so much inter- ested in the lesson, when what I was doing was wondering how a man could sit under a vine. I have arrived at that period of life when women no longer have the power to interest me; but they still can irritate me more or less. The man who kicks on paying the 8 per cent. War tax on his railroad ticket ought to remember what the boys are paying who go to France. The fellow who says he would rather bea live coward than a dead hero would bea dead coward if it weren’t for the live heroes. John Paul Jones said he had not yet begun to fight, and that is the trouble with awhole lot of modern American citizens. A wise man sometimes changes his mind. A fool often does. A calamity happens when a fool changes a wise man’s mind. No wonder a woman is worried when her husband starts to travel. She knows what happens to a story when it does. There are a remarkable number of days in a man’s life when he might have felt better or might have felt worse. young Methodist preacher enlisted in the aviation corps and the first thing he took up was a collection. The Kaiser is not only a great admirer of Napoleon but considers that the most admirable thing about him. The trouble with doing a kindness is that you are generally called on immedi- ately to do something more. You are lucky if you can be sure of others, and the luckiest man alive if you can be sure of yourself. You can live in some towns for half what you can in New York. But it is worth only half as much. One difficulty connected with getting aman out of trouble is that you generally step in it yourself. Equal suffrage has not yet reached the point where a woman can receive a tele- gram without a flutter. Camouflage really began when lavender Stationery first came into use by the advertising tailor. “Lafayette, Here We Through remote French villages resounds the unaccustomed tramp of American soldiers. But a little while ago and these men were in the quiet of their homes in a peaceful country. Today, in a strange land, they are facing the world’s bloodiest struggle. Pershing at the tomb of America’s old time friend months ago reported, with true soldier eloquence, “Lafayette, here we are.” And it is for us of the great American democracy to rally all our might to the support of our army and our allies. Are” From our shores to the battlefields of Franceare thousands of miles which must be bridged with ceaseless sup- plies to our troops. Every day calls for action here, no less than there. Cooperate! Sacrifice! These are the watchwords sent over the land by the Government. In this national effort the Bell System has served with every other essential industry in order that communication, manufacture and transportation may be kept at the peak of efficiency to provide the munitions, ordnance and supplies so urgently needed. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One Policy One System Universal Service We observe by the matrimonial column that a large number of American officers have been captured. I know what a creeping barrage is: in Chicago I have come downtown on the Northwestern elevated. If the Germans ever bomb American churches there are a whole lot of us who will be perfectly safe. We are falling off in our dining car game: we used to make it in $1.25 but now it takes $1.60. Sleep in“ The NIGHTwear of a Nation!” Faultless Pajamas *t Night Shirts Where It Went “What has become of Mrs. Stuffem’s waist line?” “Too much waist lining.” comichooks.coyy)