Judge — April 27, 1918 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

an’s ush. ious you, ovie rris. ga ‘Irie lian tor) the her tue Urry in captivity. With the College Wits 9 iN Had the Tool Captain—Why are you carrying that bit and brace. R. 0. T. C. Member—V'm goin’ Purple Cow. to drill.— Leave the Table, Archie! Visitor—Ah, and has the little man washed his face for breakfast? Archie—No'm. For you.—Chaparral. A Business Habit Tke Cohenbaum on guard—Halt—who is it? Half-embalmed voice—Frens. Tke—Advance, friends, and give the dis- count.—Froth. Her Excuse “What would your Puritan ancestor say if he saw you at the Follies?” “Well, he couldn’t make the Indians wear any clothes.” —Jack 0’ Lantern. , Intellectual Lights DR JALKEY ose Adams apple is most highly trained out by the M rivatives of Laplace Se- ries the exact date when he will lose his last hair. “The Curse of Drink This picture proved one of Judge's most popular subjects and has been reprinted, in full colors, mounted on a heavy mat, Il x 14, ready for the frame. It will be mailed post free for twenty-five cents, stamps, Judge Art Print artment New York City Dep: 225 Fifth Avenue, FESSOR GRUM- PER who has figured Cesaro od of Partial De- PRO! PROFESSOR SPLEE whose lectures are un- who, although he has popular, who wears, as ¢ Winter a safety measure, a col- . was able to the world with “Studies on the Hermaphro- dite Mollusk Crepidula Plana.” lar into which he can retire like a turtle, should anything be thrown. Has None Diogenes, with that lit And He Kaiser—-Quo Vadis, taper? Dio—Lookin’ for the Crown Prince’s chin.— Punch Bort. Clever Boy Officer—Have you mopped that floor yet? Private—No. Officer—No, what? Private—No mop. She Knew It He—Darling, I swear that my love is enduring. She (yawning)—She certainly is.—Jack 0 Lantern. Awgwan. Preferences Mabel—I prefer a man with a future; I hate men with a past! Elise—I'd rather have mine with a present !— Punch Bowl. What Happened “Jones went down to the Nemo without any money last night.” “Did he get in on his face? “No, he came out on it.”—Burr. Unlucky Tommy—Poor old Jenkins was sure unlucky! Sammy—How’s that? Tommy—Had his head shot off just after he finished shaving!—Sun Dial. | What Is That Awful Noise on the Potomac? It is Washington waking up. The Capital is not only doing great things, itis doing funny things. The staid and dignified old city on the Potomac has become, in many ways, a boom town with a new set of manners and customs mingling with those of the old. Frank Ward O'Malley was the man to see and report the humorous aspect of Washington giddy with its sudden stimulation of new peoples, new work, new idlenesses. How the city is taking care of the sudden in- flux of men and women filling posi- tions and attempting to fill posi- tions and just talking about filling positions; how the Capital has accommodated itself to an enforced abstemiousness; what is talkea about by the numberless visitors in the hotel lobbies and the corridors of the government buildings; indeed, all Washington, whirling in the new storm, is the subject of Mr. O’Malley’s joyful book. “The War-Whirl in Washington” is a welcome lightening of war burdens from abroad. It has 32 illustrations by Tony Sarg. It is published by “TheCentury Co., New York City, and is sold by all booksellers for $2.00. Fathead! Her husband—Yes, sit! Roosevelt is the most bellicose man of this century. His wife (absent-mindedly)—Aren’t thinking of Taft, dear?—Awgwan. you The Comeback Stude ({acetiously)—This steak is like a day ih June, Mrs. Bordem; very rare. Landlady (crustily)—And your bill is like March weather; always unsettled.—Punch Bowl. Value of Knowledge Sandy—Bill’s geology sure helps him when it comes to picking a place to bunk. Randy—As how? Sandy—He can always tell a soft rock from a hard one.—Chaparral. A Song Handsome He—That dress you wore last night was certainly a song! Pretty She—So? What song? H. H.—Sweet and Low.”—Awgwan. . VaLtey GEMS Tak and Wen ike land lancy guarant: years. Wil F cut glass. Stand acid and fire tests 5 and scratch file, Any style 14-K solid gold ring, pin or stud, (regular diamond mount- ing) sent for Free Examination, No Money ia Advance. Wonte totay for special prices and free catalog, WHITE VALLEY GEM CO., Mig. Jewelers 828 Wulsin Building ‘Todianapolis, Indiana