Judge — March 9, 1918 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Show, /hop — By Ficaro ETRIBUTION sent the Carping Critic a toothache. Instead of spending his afternoons at home reading up on obscure foreign dramatists, so as to be able to mention their names. casually, in his next reviews, he was obliged instead to visit his dentist and submit to research rather than practice it. Dr. Mallett was one of those cheerful dentists who believe in keeping up the patient’s courage by talking merrily all the while. And so the Critic was no sooner in the chair than he was listening open-mouthed. “You go to the theater a lot, I understand.” “Eh-uh.” “Must be delightful! Enjoy it, don’t you?” “Wider, please—I seldom get achance to go myself. But I saw a good play last week, called ‘Seven Days’ Leave’.— That hurt?” “Eh-uh.” Pocahontas (Pokey), the well-known Indian maiden, is a _ “Have you scen it? —Don't moveryour tongue, please— sit cehement in her blandishments,. dere, at the edge of this Well, that’s the kind of a show I like. Took my wife and her (if, she has her unwilling locer in a position of strategic sister, and we had a fine time.—Just a moment now!—Well, disadvantage. sir, it was one of the most exciting plays I ever saw in my life. Poxey (sentimentally): How docs Nature look upside down? All about German spies.—Steady now!—There was a young —Florence Enright and Frederick Roland. American officer in the English army, and he got up some kind of an invention to detect submarines, and those spies—a good-looking woman who pretended she was a Bel- gian widow, and a man she called her brother. That's all!” Of the drilling, not the drama. The Critic caught his breath; but apparently Dr. Mallett did not have to, for beginning a little mud pie of green clay and nitro-glycerine on a slab of glass, he contin- ued beamingly “Well, these two spies thought they had this feller. While he was talking to his girl, oneof them stole the blue- prints of his invention. But he was smarter than they were. Guess what he did?” To facilitate the guessing, Dr. Mallett began stowing away little cotton bales and mattresses in the Critic’s right cheek till the latter resembled a squirrel’s in nut- ting time. “Well, sir, he fooled ’em by making love to the spy woman. Then his girl found this woman was all ready to swim out to a buoy and signal the German submarine that was waiting, and she forced the woman to take off her bathing suitand give itto her, and she swam outinit her- self. And then the woman, without any bathing suit at all—” He paused, fondly sur- veying his little layette of in- struments, hesitating whether to choosea nut-pick or an en- trenching tool. Finally he compron ised ona buttonhook. “She had on tights, though, so itwasallright. Anyhow, these t, oraced cut to the buoy, fight- ing like cats all the way, and —There now, it’s all done!” And with careless aban- don he jettisoned the whole cargo of cotton. The Critic got up dazedly. “Yes, it’s a great show. You ought to see it.” “T have,” he muttered, as Among our prominent club women, fero are more actice + than Miss Justine Johnstone, the Galli-Curci of good looks. in a fitful dream, and groped She not only runs a Little Club of her own, but gives Weakly toward the ante- vent to her pent-up hospitality by singing and dancing. chamber. comicbooks.com