Judge — February 9, 1918 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Laugh and the WorldLaughs with You’’ There are laughs galore in every page of Maurice Switzer’s SATIRE AND SONG Asa fun maker and all-round gloom dispeller this work is simply irresistible. If a good laugh is better than a dose of physic, then SATIRE & SONG will actually save scores of doctor’s bills. The Author is a New York business man with a keen but kindly outlook on life, and a rare sense of humor. He puts his observations of life over the plate in the sort of verse that burns holes in the memory. “She Wasn't Over Twenty, But She Knew Her Little Book’’ pictures a type of the female of the species that will be instantly recognized. What O. Henry did for some American types in prose Maurice Switzer has done in verse, and no less convincingly. Kipling himself never did anything better than Little “Jane Horner”: “Had the lady been wood, she might have stayed good In the gloom of her beanery cell; But being just flesh, she got caught in the mesh Of desire’s drag-net which is hell.” If you want to shine as an entertainer among your friends, SATIRE & SONG is better than a night at the Follies. You couldn't pick a more entertaining book for the boy in camp or at the front if you searched your book stores from one end of the town to the other. Only a small edition of SATIRE & SONG, with unique illustrations in color, and in attractive Art Binding (size of volume 8! inches by 6!4 inches), designed for private cir- culation among the author’s friends, has been published. Because of the merit of the book we have prevailed upon the author to set aside a few copies for our patrons whom we shall be pleased to supply at a price representing, approximately, cost of manufacture. SATIRE & SONG will be sent postpaid to your address on receipt of a $1.00 bill. But order TODAY. There are only a few copies for general distribution. To get one you must be prompt. Money back if not satisfied. BRUNSWICK SUBSCRIPTION COMPANY 225 FIFTH AVENUE NEW YORK CITY Tue Patriot Offcer—Now, Smith, you had 24 hours’ Icave to sce your wife and child. You have been away 48. What have you got to say for yourself? Smith—But it was twins, sir! The Menace of Modernity By ‘Tom P. Morcan “WD YHEN I instigated a handsome new $150.00 Phonovic- trogramograph into the dining-room I conceded that I was strictly uptydate,” admitted the landlord of the Petunia tavern. “I thought that when we had a rush at dinner the gay tunes would speed up the function, and thus save time and money. I figgered, too, that mellerdy mingled with meals would produce the light-hearted joyousness that aids digestion and in consequence the guests would be so pleased and comfortable that they would pay prompter and talk nicer about the hotel. “But when the inspiring strains of “Turkey in the Straw’ and ‘I’m from Dixie, Too’ rang out above the clatter of the dishes the guests endeavored to eat in unison with them, and inside of the first week a fat drummer choked on something till we not only had to send for the doctor but also broke a rib for the poor feller, pound- ing him on the back while waiting for the physician. And Maxine, the slim waitress, coming in with a loaded tray balanced on high and underlating to the tune of ‘Your Dear Arm Encircles Me,’ slipped and dropped the tray wrong side up on the head of another drummer who had been coming here for years and always paid without kicking. “And when I thought I could remedy matters by substituting sedate tunes, like ‘The Holy City’ and ‘Oh-h-h-h, the Thaw-haw- hawt you'll not be Mine will bur-r-r-reak my Hear-r-r-rt, Mar- guerie-e-e-e-ete,’ the guests complained about everything they ett, predicted a terrible winter, and ‘lidn’t believe we'd ever be able to whip the Germans; and Sylphie, the hefty waitress, would come dragging miserably in, sobbing softly o'er the soup. So I just simply had to send the machine back to the music store.”” Eggs With even the less interesting sifications retailing at almost prohibitive prices, bestowals of eggs sometimes go unappreciated. For instance, the German dialect comedian who at Fort Wayne, Ind., recently receiving a large number, claimed he had been whizzed at with hen-grenades. Experience After naming a whole string of duties which an acceptable maid was expected to ‘perform, the particular housewife finally added: “And are you sure you can wash and dress little Reginald?” “For certain, ma’am,” answered the red-haired applicant, brightening, ‘‘ You see, I worked in a laundry onct.” comicbooks. com WIAA