Judge — January 5, 1918 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

New Year's Resolutions ‘OU dislike to abandon the good old custom of making Y New Year’s resolutions, but how keep it up? Swearing off implies something to be sworn off. Aforetime it was tulable to ‘‘get on the wagon,” or “cut out the booze.” But the President has cut the alcoholic content to 3 per cent., and in no long time, we suppose, the country will be so completely dry that anybody who has the wherewith to assuage his thirst will use it for something other than to swear off with. Why, in another year or two, if the signs don’t fail, a man who knows what a cocktail is will be drawing down a fancy salary in a dime museum instead of bothering his head about New Year's reso- lutions. As for candy, fudge, ice cream soda, lollypop—the girls can’t sacrifice as a New Year’s resolution what Mr. Hoover got them to forego many moons ago. There’s nothing in the eats as a swear off proposition. Were it the old-time dining and wining, yes—that would be a New Year’s resolution worth g, and no New Year's resolution is worth making unless it is worth breaking. But who will resol to give up his almost bread, his pledge card soup, and his protein a la Hoover, expecting it to be taken for a meritorious renunciation? Echo answers, who? You might resolve not to divorce your wife, and give what you save in the alimony to the Red Cross—but with the khaki so prevalent and so popular with the ladies, nobody can make himself believe that there is any real renunciation in a resolution not to swap wives till the market steadies. Must our civilization see the New Year’s resolution die, as Mark Twain came so near doing, for lack of a solitary bad habit to swear off? It Is a Wonder CONNING the pages of the Congressional Record and noting how Congressmen seem to get “leave to print” anything under the sun in which they are personally interested, a new possibility opens up on the horizon of woman suffrage. To men perhaps a menace; to women perhaps a hope, it may be. Since Congressmen by means of millions of franks a use the pages of the Record to get things across to their con- stituents that the constituents want or the Congressman wants them to know, will not women in Congress learn the trick? Since women constituents are ally interested —many of them—in new ways to ice cake, new loons and turns in the gentle art of tatting, and-so-forth, and-so-forth, it is to wonder if the day is not coming when the official record of Congress may not assume in appearance and content many of the features of a ladies’ magazine. And when in consequence the men of the country hang their heads in shame to see the Congressional Record thus made ridiculous in the eyes of the world, they will be denied the con- solation of blaming the women, for the women will have been guilty of nothing that they did not learn from watching men. The Worst Thing You Do WHAT is the worst thing you do? You will do well to pon- der upon this, But don’t do it hastily or superficially. If it is worth doing at all, it is worth doing with extreme meticu- lousness. Take yourself by the hand and lead yourself solemnly into the silence and solitude and there, with malice aforethought and a heart full of frankness, make a complete catalogue of all the evil things that you practice. Then, when the list is com- plete, compare them all carefully, fore and aft, inside and out, and try to reach a decision as to which is the most egregious. This is certainly worth trying. It will be a wonderful revela- tion to you at the very least. It might change the whole course of your life. There is nothing so important as knowing the worst. Sixes and Sevens HE United States now has a per capita circulation of $49.03, the .o3 being thrown in by a generous govern- ment to pay for your postage stamp when you write to Washington for your $49. cd Let Congress attend to its own business and the Presi- dent will attend to his—New York World. Why should he risk innovations at this critical time by letting Congress do anything of the kind? 2 Some of our pseudo-Americans so insistently demand that the President define loyalty that you’d think they suspected themselves of having caught it. 2 Ne gland literary circles refuse to get excited over that law suit for Noah Webster’s old home. They nevei did take much stock in flood prevention and besides, there’: the Seventh of March speech. a Senator Calder of New York is accused of paying $20 fora shirt. Well, he keeps it on. & The children of Israel wandered forty years in the wilderness in search of their land flowing with milk and honey—but they beat Mr. Hoover to it. t All that Northcliffe asks is that they run the British govern- ment to suit him, and he dares them to do it. * The House of Lords will insist that the reasons for creating new peers be published—not to discourage the American heiress but to Hooverize the British campaign fund. 2 Just peace isn’t a just peace—you can see that by the differ- ence of the article.