Judge, 1917-11-24 · page 14 of 28
Judge — November 24, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**The Cartoon:** The top illustration depicts a woman and child at a golf club, with the caption joking that the woman carries her passion for collecting remnants (fabric scraps) to an "absurd extreme"—she's even married a widower, suggesting she collects people like fabric. **"The Notion Counter":** This is a collection of one-liners and satirical quips by Douglas Malloch, typical of Judge's format. Key targets include: - **Food conservation** (referencing wartime rationing) - **Subway construction** chaos in New York - **Wall Street** financial struggles - **Mexican Revolution** (now deemed "over" and no longer newsworthy) - **Herbert Hoover** (likely referencing his food conservation efforts) - **Optimism about breweries** (mocking Prohibition-era absurdity) **"A Crime in Itself":** A rural dialect story where Mr. Gap Johnson reports a woman accused a state senator of "being a state senator, prob'ly"—satirizing political corruption as so endemic that mere office-holding is itself criminal. The page reflects 1910s-20s American concerns: WWI rationing, Prohibition, political graft, and New York urban chaos.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AT ST. ANDREWS GOLF CLUB, HASTINGS-ON-HUDSON Polly—She carries her passion for remnants to an absurd extreme. The Notion Counter By DOUGLAS MALLOCH LL will be well if we only save the food with half the Pimitoseen that a few years ago we saved the cigar bands. Speaking of inconsistency, riding down to Dayton the other night there was an aviator who kicked because he had an upper berth. If the ladies of King Arthur’s court could talk anything like the ladies of the present, there were many’ sleepless knights. From the way the subway contractors tear it up you would think that Broadway, too, is only a scrap of paper. There is only one thing we dislike more than some people, and that is the idea of being some people. Perhaps it is called Wall Street because so often a man has to fight with his back to it. What ought to be put on these fellows who are always quoting great truths is a maxim silen Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Spratt, who licked the platter clean, have been vindicated by a man named Hoover. Now that it isn’t getting any more space in the news- papers, the Mexican revolution appears to be over. When a man says he feels something in his bones it may be only an idea. The hardest thing for a poet to make rime properly is editor and creditor. The way to feel deeply for somebody is to feel deeply in your pocket. Dolly—Yes, she has even married a widuwer. The man who says he likes women as a rule, has never been ruled. Lama great lover of dumb animals, especially of the human species. Often a limb of the law hasn’t a leg to stand on. You never realize how much you use a clock until it stops. An optimist these days is a man who builds an addition to a brewery. Some fellows seem more concerned about their dependents than their independence. Another optimist is a man who runs for an accomodation train. To pronounce nounce “egg.” The dollar tip is a touch of high life. Operating a submarine is a lowdown trick. Be happy and you will be good. “Haig” correctly you need only mispro- A CRIME IN ITSELF HILE I was in town I heered some fellers at the post office talking about a grass-widder lady accusing a state senator,” related Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., upon his return from a shopping expedition to the county I was sorter busy, trading and j jowering about the war, and ‘didn’ t pay no pertickler attention.” “But what do you reckon it was that she accused him of?” a trifle eagerly demanded Mrs. Johnson. “Dunno; of being a state senator, prob’ly —Tom P. Morgan. comicbooks.com