Judge — November 3, 1917 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UM The last line of German trenches finally surrenders. IT 1S BETTER CCORDING to the Life Extension Institute it is better to wait until one is twenty-five or thirty before one tries double harness. We heartily agree. And this is why we agree: one is better able to take a joke at that time of life than at any earlier or later period. But that isn’t why the Life Extension Institute thinks so. They say that at twenty-five or thirty one will be more careful in one’s selection of a mate—for reasons eugenic. We have always had an old-fashioned notion that, between the arrows of Cupid and the beckonings of Opportunity, old Doc Eugenics had very little to do with the pairing off of the human race. And we have heard that the older people get. the less particular they are—provided, of course, that they are at all favorably inclined toward matrimony. Be that as it may, age and knowledge and maturity and discretion have never evi- denced any especial aptitude for picking out husbands or wives that wear well. Giddy eightcen often beats them a mile at selecting a mate who doesn’t slam the doors and kick over the chairs. It isn’t exactly desirable that people have very many rea- sons for getting married. It’s often better to get married with- out knowing why and to stay married until you find out. ‘This would do away with divorce and alimony and eugenic children, who are bound to be more care and trouble than the desultory variety, from whom we never expect anything anyhow. We are sure that for a while yet it will be better to enter into matrimony with fear and trembling than it will be to be too sure about result If you don’t have the impulse, or the chance, to get married re twenty-five, follow the advice of the Life Exten- HW. Dee. before you a sion Institute, CAUSE FOR APPREHENSION “YY third boy, Blister, has always been a regular agnostic —wasn’t afraid of nuth’n’,” stated Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. ‘But, by chucky, he’s cured of it now, good and plenty. Tuther night the Bishop was at our house; big, jolly old feller with a vocabulary on him that must measure six feet around at the belt line. Our house is tollable small for a family the size of mine, and when strangers stay all night we have to fit our fourteen children in around all over the place like pieces of a Chinese puzzle. And so wife she made up a pallet for Blister on the floor under the Bishop’s bed. “Well, along in the middle of the night the Bishop sorter turned over, or something that-a-way, and down busted the bed and slapped Blister out flatter than a flitter. You better believe he is afraid of something now—if. he hears that the Bishop is coming this way he hides out in the timber for fear the good man will fall on him again.” —Tom P. Morgan. Expensive, Nevertheless “T saw a fellow today who was tickled all over because he had a note to meet.” Phat’s a funny thing to be pleased abou! aita minute. It was a note to meet a girl.” Analogies She—Here is a man who si members of Congress should not own the Liberty Bonds because Congress causes them to be issued, He—Then wives should not draw the alimony. Have vou thought of the Christmas of our soldiers in France? Send in a subscription to Jupce’s Trench Christmas. comicbooks.com