Judge, 1917-09-29 · page 14 of 28
Judge — September 29, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**The Top Cartoon:** This satirizes military recruitment and hazing. A navy recruit reports for insubordination after refusing to enter the swimming pool. His defense reveals the brutal initiation he's endured in just three days: tooth extraction by a doctor, vaccination, and now a petty officer threatening to "drown" him during swimming lessons. The joke targets the harsh, physically punishing nature of early naval training—the recruit's fear seems reasonable given his actual experiences. It's social satire mocking military practices presented as routine. **The Main Story:** "The Man Who Regretted" (by Ellis O. Jones) begins serialization here. It tells of an overconfident youth—brilliant at mathematics, valedictorian—who believes his native abilities require no further education. He formulates elaborate life plans with absolute certainty of success, then discovers reality requires constant adjustment. This appears to be a morality tale satirizing youthful arrogance and the gap between theoretical planning and practical experience. **The Bottom Comic:** A brief joke about a giraffe's long neck being advantageous for movie work (likely vaudeville or silent film performance).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE UNABLE SEAMAN The officer (to recruit reported for insubordination who has refused to enter the swimming pool)—And what have you got to say for yourself? Recruit—Please, sir, I've only been in the navy three days. The first day the doctor drawed two o'me teeth; the second day I was vaccinated, and now a petty orficer, he says, ‘Come along! We're goin’ ter drown yer!" THE MAN WHO REGRETTED ELLIS By NCE there was a young man who started life with O wonderfully bright prospects. Being the oldest son of two fond, doting parents, he early acquired a super- abundant regard for his own abilities and his own destiny. Being a diligent student at school, he stood at the head of his class, and it was long the talk of the neighborhood that he could track the Greatest Common Divisor and the Least Common Multiple to their respective lairs with greater accuracy and a higher degree of celerity than any other man who ever graduated from the Windy Heights Grammar School He did not take the time or the trouble to go through all the various curricula and degrees of learning which our busy icians have so elaborately prescribed for us. On the when he stood upon the platform of the Mount Gib- berish High School and delivered his resonant and problem settling valedictory to the graduating class, he believed that halls of learning, text-books and musty tomes had nothing— or next to nothing—more to offer a man of his native abilities and superior attainments. He immediately set to work to formulate plans for the proper ordering of the life of usefulness, influence and affluence which he saw ahead of him, beckoning him onward. These plans were thorough, ambitious and far-reaching. Using his meticulously evolved philosophy of life as a basis, he fabricated plans of marvelous intricacy, wonderful efficiency and_ practicality which, to his keenly analytical eye, could not fail to bring him all the coveted honors which an admiring nation had to bestow. As soon as his plans were completely formed and he could O. JONES see his future clear as crystal beiore him even unto the final impressive moment when loving hands would lock him in his coffin at a ripe old age, he began with great vigor and industry to put them into effect. He had not proceeded far, however, when he discovered that his plans, while successful in the main, were miscarrying as to many important details. But of course this did not daunt him in the least. Whenever necessary, he made suitable revisions and then forged ahead as eagerly and nearly as confidently as before. One of the chief difficulties he experienced as he went along (Continued on second page following) ANIMAL MOVIES Gerald Girafe—"Believe me, a long neck is just the thing for these movie shows! comicbooks.com