Judge, 1917-09-22 · page 23 of 28
Judge — September 22, 1917 — page 23: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features humorous college jokes and a parody poem. The "College Wits" section presents short witticisms attributed to various college publications (Ignats, Lampoon, Panther, Widow, Record). The main content is "Hero and Leander Again," a comedic retelling of the classical myth of two lovers separated by the Hellespont strait. The satire updates the ancient tragedy with modern details—the lover becomes a "fruit stand magnate" instead of a nobleman, and the poem mocks romantic pretension with practical warnings: don't swim after eating. The final "Envoi" (moral) offers safety advice rather than eternal romance. The page also includes a Red Cross subscription advertisement, reflecting 1917's wartime context. The bottom advertises Judge itself as "the largest circulation of any humorous periodical," sold weekly for ten cents.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
vw mister, 1¢ Show s with —Well, ther, I unch 1 world With the College Wits Nun-Too-True—Ignats—I saw two puns today who resembled each other a at deal. . Briteness—Huh; they must be sisters— Awgeon. ADefinition—Salt water tafiy—Summer conversation on the beach—Froth. Good Reason—Professor—What do the buffaloes on the new nickels stand for? Voice from the dead—Because they have not got room to sit down.—Lam poon. Economy-—He—Shall I bring candy? She—I'd rather have chewing gum—it’s | more durable.—Panther. New nurse—How did you feel when you were falling, Lieutenant? Liew.—Deucedly upset, y’know.—Widow. Hero and Leander Again Than this true epic nothing’s grander, Poor Hero's sad fate will outlive her; \ fruit stand magnate was Leander, Between the lovers was the river. Each evening when his trade abated He'd swim across to where she waited. ooo || None but the brave deserve the fair! iq For her he wrote Homeric verses And sprinkled bay rum on his hair, | Nor heard her father’s curses. | Till late, the hour never recking, They'd oft indulge in high-brow necking. Now Hero, Leo dear to guide, | Would keep a lantern in the tower, But father, bent on homicide, | One night shut off the candle power, And poor Leander, in the river, Saw that his time had come to flivver. For he had eaten none too wisely, His clothes were growing rather damp, So in this wat'ry exercise he Was overcome by sudden cramp; And as he journeyed to the bottom, The little fishes up and got’m. Envoi The moral of this little fable Is not a chance and foolish whim: When you've just risen from the table Don’t try to venture in the swim! Remember when the others taunt Leander and the H—espont! — —Record. Subscribe tothe % Red Cross & JUDGE HAS THE LARGEST CIRCULA- TION OF ANY HUMOROUS PERIODICAL Ten Cents For Sale On All News-stands