Judge — September 15, 1917 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

September 15, 1917 — Stories with Smiles Wanted All the Spoils—An old colored man charged with stealing chickens was arraigned in court and was incriminating himself when the judge said: , . on You ought to have a lawyer. Where's your lawyer? Ah ain’t got no lawyer, jedge,” said the old man. Very well, then,” said his honor, “I'll assign a lawyer to defend you.” “Oh, no, suh; no, suh! Please don’t do dat!” the ¢ begged. “Why not?” asked the judge. “It won't cost you anything. Why don’t yer?” ¢, Ah'll tell you suh,” said the old man, waving his tattered ly. “Hit’s dis way. Ah wan’ tah enjoy dem chickens mahse’f.”"—Chicago News. Mistaken Identity—The other Monday afternoon a woman rushed excitedly down an alley in a poor quarter of Manchester, and, stopping at a house, knocked loudly Receiving no reply, she knocked a second time. Still no answer. A third time she knocked, and then a window above was hastily flung open, and a woman whose appearance betrayed signs of a sudden awakening leaned out. “Well, what is?” she asked. The woman below looked up and exclaimed, “Mrs. Skinner, yer ‘usband’s got ten days! “Dear, dear me, Mrs. Jon was the reply unnerve me! Ah thought it was that scarecrow after the rent agin Bits. ith bated breath: The Lesser of Two Evils—‘ My dear friends,” said the hostess when all her guests had assembled, “I am delighted indeed to have you here. 1 want everybody to have a perfectly good time, and I am going to do whatever I can to make the evening a success. I have tried to think of some kind of a programme that would please everybody, but I find it a difficult thing to do, so Tam going to ask you to help me out of my trouble. We can talk about the war and thus have a lovely time, with a few fights incidentally perhaps, or my daughter Penelope will recite Kipling for you. Which shall it be Prolonged shouts of *‘War!"’—Dayton News. His Nerve—“Here’s a nickel for you, my man,” he said to the frayed and ragged-looking individual who stood under the porch with extended hand. “I’m not giving it to you for charity’s sake, but merely because it pleases me.” “Thankee, but couldn’t you make it a quarter and enjoy yourself thor- oughly, ma’am?”—Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph. More Later—Small boy—Whaddye doin’, mister? The artist—Sketching. “Why did you choose this spot?” “On account of the atmosphere.” “There'll be more of it ‘long toward evening.” “How is that?” “’Cause then the breeze usually blows over this way from the cheese factory.” His Generosity—A “Tommy,” lying in a hospital, had beside him a watch of curious and foreign design. The attending doctor was interested. “Where did your watch come from?” he asked. “A German give it me,” he answered. A little piqued, the doctor inquired how the foe had come to convey this token of esteem and affection. ““E ‘ad to,” was the laconic reply. —Toronto Globe. Flattered—The heroism of France hasmade the French language popular. On this head there is a story illustrating the tact of M.‘Jusserand, the French ambassador. A senator at a luncheon said to M. Jusserand: “Taka—er—eska voo voo-ly—I mean—er—passy-moi, sill voo play— er—” ei M. Jusserand laid his hand on the senator’s shoulder, and in his excellent ng! “My dear sir, my very dear sir, do, please stop speaking French. Your pie is so Parisian that, positively, it makes me homesick.” —Philadel phia julletin, _ Missing—‘“Children,” said the Sunday-school superintendent, “this Picture illustrates today’s lesson: Lot was warned to take his wife and daugh- tersand flee out of Sodom. Here are Lot and his daughters, with his wife just Twenty Greasers bit the dust before this lone American— sole survivor of one hundred and eighty who for eleven days held at bay five thou- sand Mexicans led by the treacherous, bloodthirsty Santa J] Anna. Backed against a. wall, using the keen, death dealing “Betsy” as an iron war club, the oldfrontiersman hurls defiance at his enemies as they swarm about him, leaping like hounds upon a great stag. But numbers tell. They pull him doxen, bury, their ayonets in his great heart, spurn him, spit upon him. Thus died “Davy” Crock- ett, typical American, one of that numerous band of American fighters in the cause of human liberty whose inspiring stories are so splen- didly told by Cyrus Town- send Brady in this New Edition of AMERICAN FIGHTS AND FIGHTERS—Patriot’ s Edition AMERICAN. HISTORY FROM THE AGE OF DISCOVERY The Thrilling Adventures of Hernan- do de Soto; Genth f the Black Flag; Under the “Jolly Roger”; Black- beard; The French and Indian War; The War of the Revolution; Washing: ton’s Greatest Campaigns; Sea Fights of the Revolution; The War with France; The War with Tripoli; The Second’ War with England; The Ameri- can Wasps and their Victims; The Creek War; The Seminole W. chumsch, Greatest of the Indians; S Houston’ and Freedom; The Rough Riders of "08; Chief Joseph's. Own Story; The Modoc War; South Ameri- can Fights and Fighters; Stories of Whaling Days; Famous American Duels; Col. 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