Judge — September 15, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE’S ARTISTIC ALPHABET FOR LANG CAMPBELL, whose pen, Depicting a bird or a hen, Of humor is quite full, And quaintly delightful His jocular sparrow and wren. uc G@meoere 7 IS THE CRAW- FORD YOUNG, draughter, With the humorous touch Judge is after. With him golf a fad is, is play dies ers and cad- Bring smiles, and then chucklesand laughter. "7 IS FOR ZIMMER- MAN, “Zim,” Whose lustre has never grocon dim. If we only had time «And could make the things rhyme, We could write a whole ‘page about him. When Willie “Washes Up” By SOL. WARKOUR & OME now, Willie,” says mother, “1 want you to go at once to the bathroom and wash yourself up before dinner, You hear me?” “Yes,” says Willie. Well, then, mind what I say. Go and wash yourself up for dinner.” “T will pretty soon.” “T know what your ‘pretty soon’ means, and I don’t want any ‘pretty soon’ about it. Now is always the time to do what mamma tells you to do. You remember that ‘Do It Now’ card I hung in your room?” “Uh-huh.” “You do? Well, then you apply what it says to washing yourself for dinner.” “T will soon as 1 “Soon as you do nothing else, sir! You always have some- thing extremely urgent on hand when it comes to washing your- self up. Look at your hands!” “T see ’em.” “T should think it would turn your stomach to look at them. I never saw anything dirtier unless it is one of your handker- chiefs—and that reminds me that Norah says that she will not touch your handkerchiefs if you put them in the wash as dirty as the two you put in last week were. She said they were enough to stop up the laundry pipes. What do you do with your handkerchiefs to get them so vilely dirty? I took five out of your pockets last Monday and all of them so black they would have done for emblems of mourning! But the condi- tion of your hands explains why your handkerchiefs are so Now you go and wash those hands and your ears and > back of your neck too, remember.” “T don’t want to bother taking off my collar “You will ‘bother’ taking it off, for you can't do anything washing your neck with iton. You hear me?” ain't deef. “No impudence, Willie! That is one thing your mamma will not Stand for! w, gee! Can't a feller say that he isn’t deef without some one jumping on him with both feet and putting it up that he is impident?” your tone of voice more than your words that made and I want you to stop getting that tone into your voice when to me! I have spoken to you a do: times about it and you know that I never mean to speak ever twice to you about a thing. Now you march yourself right of to the bathroom!”’ “Aw, what’s the rush? Dinner won't be ready for half an hour yet!” “Tt will take you that long to get yourself really clean.” “Bah! I can wash up in two minutes!” Yes, and the way your towel will look when you have used Norah says that she always has to boil your towels three times as long as she does the others and then they don’t come out clean! You just stick your hands into the water and then rub off what you can on the towel and call yourself washed! But I will have no more of that. Now you go and wash up and I don’t want one particle of dirt left on the towel. You going to mind me?” “Purty soon.” “A boy in his last year in the grammar school saying ‘ purty” for ‘pretty’! But it isn’t going to be ‘purty soon’ nor ‘pretty soon’ about you washing up for dinner! It is going to Le right now—right forthwith and faster! That is settled!) Obey me instantly!” * Papa. Willie’s hands. I began three-quarters of a to get him to wash them and—look at them “Show up those hands,” demanded father.‘ Pull them out from under the table and let me sce them! Wh-~ Ww! You scoot to that bathroom and wash those paws before you get one bite of dinner—scoot!” He “scoots.”” it impudent ays mother at the dinner table, ‘will you look at hour ago trying Conservation IWesterly—I want to tell you that I am engaged to Miss Eminent of Boston, old fellow. Quickly—Qh, going to put your heart in cold storage are you? comicbooks.com