Judge — September 8, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE’S ARTISTIC ALPHABET IS FOR SKIPPER WESTMACOTT, Making breezy drawings on his yacht; With ideas in his pate And an artist wife for mate, Isn't he a lucky fellow. What? W STANDS FOR CHARLES WRIGHT, Whose praises we fain would indite. His drawings are gay, full Of whimsy and play- . [On ful— Geum + wey All done in a delight. LY STANDS FOR AN ARTIST NAMED FUDGE way to Who toward signing his name couldn't budge. Very good in his line — Drawing beer in a stein, But he never drew money from Jupce. His Method “Some wise feller says that it is easier to raise three boys than one girl,” commented Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark, ‘That depends, I reckon, on how he goes about it. My method has been to sorter turn my fourteen children loose in pleasant weather and just holler ‘Scat!’ I can’t see but what it has worked about as well with one denomination as the other.” As a Man Thinks “He doesn’t think that he drinks very much.” “He doesn’t think that they make very much.” THE THINGS HE OUGHT TO KNOW ae ELL, I declare if it ain’t you at last!” said the voluble Sister Tattell when her pastor, the Rev. Adoniram Judson Meekly appeared at her door for his first call. “I didn’t know as you was ever going to get around here,” added Sister Tattell, with a certain note of reproach in her voice. “Been here most a month now and I been expecting you every day for two weeks. Yes, reckon it does take some time to get settled, even when a minister comes to a clean parson- age. I can tell you that it wa'n’t /eft clean! The time our La- dies’ Aid had cleaning up that parsonage after our last pastor left! I hope that—take this chair and let me get you a fan. You look real het up. Finding plenty to do, I reckon. You are, if you are doing all that needs to be done the way things have been allowed to run down. The way that our last—yes, indeed, I'm one of the oldest members. That's why most of our pastors consult me so much about things. I know the field as few know it and I am able to tell our new pastors a good many things they ought to know when they first come to the parish. It helps them“to be on their guard, and right now I want to tell you that you ought to know that Deacon Gall will make trouble for you if he can because he was so spited over Pastor Black going. All the other deacons was ready and eager for a change, but Deacon Gall fought against it to the last. You ought to know that he was ag'in you coming from the start.”” “But I think that he—" “Then you ought to know that while Deacon Elderby was agreeable enough to you coming he was ag’in us paying you so much sal’ry. He felt that six hundred a year and the parson- age was enough, and he was awiully spited when we voted to make it six hundred and filty. You'd better not be extrav- agant in any way or Deacon Elderby will talk about how the church money is being wasted in riotous living. Mis’ Meckly and your four children had better not dress very extravagant, for there’s others in the church that think that the pastor’s fam'ly should set a good example in dress. Then you ought to know that Deacon Stutt has read the Bible through fifty-seven times and he is down on the revised version. He wants to argify on ev'ry blessed revised thing and he'll be coming at you soon, so you want to be ready for him.” “T think, Sister Tattell, that I— “Then you ought to know that Sister Sharpe is a good deal put out because we didn’t call a brother-in-law of hers instid of you. That's why she didn’t go up and speak to you your first Sunday with us and mebbe she hasn’t She's an awful one to hold spite. You ought to know also that Sister Grumm- bell didn’t like it because you said something in your first sermon that sounded as if you were willing to fellowship with the Unitarians, and Brother Dill took offense because you said that there was a lot that was good in Christian Science. Mebbe you noticed the way Sister Grummbell got up and flounced out and mebbe you heard Brother Dill give that little snort he always gives when the pastor says what he doesfft like. Mebbe they have both been after you. If they ain’t they will be so you better be ready for them. I feel that you ought to know that our richest member, Brother Grasply, is down on the one-tenth tithing referred to in the Bible, so you better not say anything in favor of it in your sermons. Don’t favor pro- hibition from the pulpit because Brother Peters is ag’in it. He says it doesn’t prohibit. Excuse me. I think I smell my bread burning. There’s a lot of other things you ought to know that I will tell you soon as I attend to my bread.” —Max Merryman.