Judge — September 1, 1917 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wouldn’t You like the Girl Behind the Smile? OU can meet your favorites informally in the columns of FILM FUN. Besides their chatty stories and the striking pic- tures of the new features soon to be released, you'll find the magazine full of laughter and fun all its own. FILM FUN 10 cents a copy $1.00 a yea> Published by LESLIE-JUDGE CO. 225 Fifth Avenue - - New York FILM FUN Jor 228 Fifth Ave., New York Enclosed find $1 Please send FILM FUN for one year to Name Address Stories Flattery—An editor, apropos of William Dean Howells’s Soth birthday, said: “Mr. Howells is as modest as he is gifted. His publisher once showed him a sketch for a prospectus that praised him warmly. Mr. Howells drew his pencil through certain overwarm adjectives, and said that they made him feel like the young widow. “A young widow, he explained, had carved on her husband's tombstone when he died the inscription: “Sacred to the memory of John Doe, who departed this life in the 57th year of his age, bitterly regretting he must leave the most beauti- ful and best of wives!!"—Philadelphia Bulletin. Hole in Germany’s Pocket—‘ Germany’s claim that she imports nothing, buys only of herself, and so is growing rich from the war, isa dreadful falla The speaker was Herbert C. Hoover, chair- man of the American Food Board. “Germany,” he went on, “‘is like the young man who wi thought he'd grow his own garden-stufi. This young man had been digging for about an hour when his spade turned up a quarter. Ten minutes later he found another quarter. Then he found a dime. Then he found a quarter again. ““By gosh,’ he said, ‘I've struck a silver- mine,’ and, straightening up, he felt something cold slide down his leg. Another quarter lay at his feet. He grasped the truth: There was a hole in his pocket.” —Washington Star. Aroused His Suspicions—A well-known business man who was lately married, says Billy Blair, took out some life insurance last Thursday. Coming up town Monday morning he was accosted by one of his friends with the salutation: “What's the matter, old man? worried. “Well, to be honest with you, Iam. You I took out some life insurance last You look ympathetic friend, “but what has that to do with the woe-begone expres- sion on your face “Well, the very next day after I had it written my wife bought a new c sibly it’s all right, but it certainly looks sus- picious.""—Kansus City Star. The Repeater—Representative Campbel of Kansas, said in a recent address in Leaven- worth “The corrupt man is always a stupid, ignorant man. “A corrupt voter W. was arrested once in What am I arrested fur?’ he asked. “*You are charged,’ said the officer, ‘with having voted cight times.’ ““Charged, hey?’ muttered the prisoner. ‘That's qu I expected to be paid for it.’ St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Try This at Your Own Risk—‘ My wife wants me to go shopping with her. I don’t see how I'm going to get out of it.” “If she were to send you back to your office after less than an hour of shopping and told you she would never take you on such an expedition again, you would consider yourself repaid for your trouble, wouldn't you?"* With Smiles “Certainly. But how am I going to do that?” “Let her catch you flirting with a fascinating girl clerk.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. A Regular Kaiser.—‘“The Kaiser is a queer customer,” said Jacob Schiff, New York banker and philanthropist, during a Cooper Union debate. “The more the German people ask of him the less he gives them. “The way the Kaiser has treated the German people about this business of universal suffrage reminds me of the Blue Mill. “The hands of the Blue Mill, you know, waited on the owner and told him they wanted shorter hours. “Very good,’ said the owner. ‘Your wish shall be granted, men. We'll begin with shorter dinner hours.’""—Washington Star. : A Quick Miss—Carclessness in putting his words together was the downfall of a young man at a local theater. When the curtain went up for the first act he found that the hat of a young lady in front of him obstructed his view of the stage. Wishing to see the performance, he said to her: “T want to look as well as you.” she inquired. ly!” he replied. “Ah, then, you will have to alter your face a great deal,” was the crushing retort.—Chicago News. Too Much Natural History—In a detach- ment of Confederate soldiers captured near Warrenton, Virginia, eral prisoners, by a freakish coincidence, bore names that resembled those of animals. The sergeant at the desk, a testy, fussy fellow, eyed them crossly. Your name!” he snapped to the first. “Fox.” “Next!” “Bhaer,” was the reply. The sergeant sniffed and glanced at the third. “Wolfe,” said the soldier, and his interrogator im a sharp look. Next!” he shouted; and he turned a dark red when the stolid answer came, “Campbell.” The sergeant knew well enough that they were not tricking him, for those were not the of tricks, and the tired faces were impassive. nd what do you call yourself?” he asked another tall Johnny in ragged gray. “Lyon,” the fellow responded sadly, whereat the officer threw down his pen and shouted with good-natured laughter. “Go order some cages built?” he roared to a private. “We got to shut up a whole blamed menagerie in the camp!"—Youth’s- Companion. Had to Wait— Manager (to late messenger) -You've been away over half an hour, and only had to go round the corner! Messenger—Please, sir, a man dropped half a crown in the gutter? Manager—And did it take half an hour to find it? Messenger—No, sir, but I had to wait till the man went away.—Pearson’s Weekly. Investigation Necessary—First credit man —How about Jones of Pigville Centre? Second Credit Man—He always pays cash, so we don’t know how honest he is.—Boston Globe.