Judge — August 25, 1917 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOOK for next week's JUDGE It will have a happy cover by ROBERT ROBINSON entitled “RATTLED” And timely riches in illustration by ORSON LOWELL EIL GEORGE T, GILLETTE C. W. ANDERSON CHESTER Ay GARDE HAVALTER de MARIS F. L. FITHIAN, and others The text is sprightly and up to the minute, by WALT MASON BENJAMIN DeCASSERES TUDOR_JENKS J ARTHUR CHAPMAN, LAWTON MACKALL MAX MERRYMAN CHARLES HANSON TOWNE ELLIS O. JONES DOUGLAS MALLOCH TOM P. MORGAN HH. W. DEE WILLIAM SANFORD CLINTON SCOLLARD EDMUND VANCE COOKE J. A. WALDRON and others who make JUDGE “THE HAPPY MEDIUM” Copyright, 1917, by LeslieJudge Compan; Entered at the Post-office at ‘ork as second-caas mai matter Cable address “Judgark Published weekly by Washington Represcotatin Wyatt Building, Washington, John A. Sleicher, Presideat feuben P Rotlauer, Treasurer, Grant F, Hamitton, Art Dircetor JA. Walder SUBSCRIPTION RATES One year. 5% numbers Six months, or 26 numbers Thirteen weeks Payable in advance or by draft o express or postal order. ‘The contents of JUDG: fected by copyright in both the 4 Great be found at any newsstand, the publishers will ations if that fact be promptly reported on postal cn 1916, per copy: nd Mexico. Jependenci to all . it cents a year for postage: To Canadian Provinces foreign countries add $1.00 « WESTERN AD’ DEFICE, hicage, [linois TISING OFFICE, - Boston, Mase Judge is printed by the Schweinter Press. Stories The Directors—The brand new directors of the brand new Over-Night Mining Company grouped about the directors’ table of twissled walnut leaned back in their comfortable chairs of pibbled leather and looked about the newly appointed office as they exhaled great clouds of expensive tobacco smoke. Under their feet the vermiform flooring was covered with three rare salagus rugs. Through a glass partition they could see three beautiful their nails at three priceless stindlewood des! One of the directors, a little man with a worried spoke: entlemen—that is—fellow directors—I hope be pardoned, having paid $10,000 and been made a director of this company, from which I have already received half a million in dividends, if I make so bold as to ask a question. Or, to be exact, two questions. First, 1 should be very grateful to be informed of the location of the mines upon which this billion dollar company has been formed, and second, it would give me great relief to have a slight inkling as to the nature of the metals mined in those mines.” There was a startled silence, broken only by the gentle sound of tobacco smoke coming in contact with the ceiling. Then another director spoke. “Fellow directors, I think Mr. Squibble’s inquisitiveness is simply galostrous. I move that we give him back his money and kick him out.” The motion was carried with only one dissent- ing vote—that of Squibbles, and again there reigned an air of opulent peace.—Detroit Free Press. A Case of Suspense—In a South Side home the other evening, a small boy said to his mother: “Mama, I want to go to the movies.” “You can’t go tonight,” the mother firmly replied. “But I want to go tonight especially.” “Why?” “To see the neglected wife.” ‘What about the neglected wi She is at the theater every Tuesday.” ‘Well, I can’t help that, you can’t go.” “You oughta seen where I left her last week.” “The other woman had decoyed her away into a big boat and it was sailing out to sea——” “Yes. id there was a big can of dynamite in the boat, with a long fus onto it—' “Yes, yes, yes— “And the fuse was burning closer and closer “Go on, go on——" And just when it was within an inch of the can @ notice comes on the screen. “What does it say on the noti BE CONTINUED NEXT 2” And that’s today?” “Yes, ma’am. “Well, you can go, but I shall go with you. I can’t have you going two blocks away from the home after dark without somebody going along, and HURRY UP.”—Youngstown Tele- gram. Won Over at Last—‘“Would you care to look at my magazine?” asked the man who sat across the aisle from the beautiful young woman who was traveling alone. “No, thank you,” she replied. With Smiles After they had both looked out at the Passing landscape for a while, the man asked the porte to bring him some cards, and he began playing solitaire. The young lady glanced across at him cccasion. ally, showing that she was interested in what he doing. Would you like to try your luck?” he asked, at length. “No, thank you,” she replied. When he had become weary of the cards he took a couple of books from his satchel, and, tum. ing to the young lady, asked: “Would you care to look at one of these?” “No, thank you,” she replied. Presently one of the colored waiters entered, saying; First call for dinner in the dining car.” he man got up, shook down his trousers, and, looking across at the young lady, asked: “Won't you let me have the pleasure of your company at dinner?” “Oh, thank you,” she replied. And it cost him $3.85.—Dayton News. The Middleman—“The first shall be lst and the last shall be first,” quoted the devout citizen. “It makes no difference to me how you arrange ‘em,” replied the expert commercialist. “I'll get mine cither way. I’m the middleman.”— Washington Star. A Heartless Woman was young and she was fair ike, and I left her weeping We were lovers long ago; But we quarreled, lover there— Left her, boasting that some day everywhere I would be known, Making her regret that she had refused to be my own. I have worked and I have dared, always thinking of the day That I made my splendid boast as she watched me turn away; T have seen my name in print, I have had mv hours of pride, And I've often thought of her, such distinction still denied. We were lovers long ago; yesterday we met—alack! Pride was mine, but it is gone; I shall never witf it back! T expected her to speak of my wide and growing fame; “Yes, I know your face,” said she, “but I can’t recall your name.”” —S. E. Kiser in Dayton News. A Long Dry Spell—Gov. Livingston Beeck- man, of Rhode Island, said in Providence, apro- pos of the gigantic stride that the temperance movement is taking: “The whole country now seems to look at excess as the young wife did. “Jim, dear,’ said a young wife, ‘I do wish you'd stop drinking. Every time you is to one of those banquets of yours you get up the next morning pale and silent, you eat nothing, you just gulp down ten or fifteen glasses of water. Do stop drinking, won't y I know it can't be good for you, dear.’ “*All great men have been drinking men,’ said Jim. ‘Look at Poe, at Charles Lamb, look at Burns, look at——’ “Well, Jim,’ said the young wife, ‘you just swear off till you become a great man, too, an I'll be satisfied.’ "—IWashington Star. ! comicbooks.com