Judge, 1917-08-18 · page 8 of 28
Judge — August 18, 1917 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes theatrical method acting and marital discord through a story about a man who takes historical roleplay too seriously. The narrator, attempting to impress a woman named Nelly, recreates period rooms (French marquis, Spanish grandee settings) and adopts corresponding personas with increasing commitment. The satire peaks when, playing a 16th-century Spanish nobleman, he physically disciplines Nelly—boxing her ears—in character. The joke targets both his pretentious dedication to "realism" and the absurdity of justifying domestic violence through historical authenticity. Nelly's resistance and his desperation to salvage the relationship (eventually offering the "Remorsoff diamond") underscore the comedy. The accompanying cartoon about a "Recruiting Station" appears unrelated, depicting military recruitment. Together, these pieces mock impractical idealism—whether theatrical or institutional—colliding with real-world consequences.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BUILT FOR SPEED ‘Periods” (Continued from second preceding pace) one look at me and left the room. I had a realistic representation of a French marquis of the ‘ancien régime’ arranged for next morning in the Louis-Quatorze breakfast room, but Nelly did not appear. Perhaps it was just as well for some of the touches I had worked out were rather—ah—racy.”” The narrator paused gloomily. “The end came that afternoon in a Spanish apartment of the sixteenth century. It was a replica out of the Escuria could have wished it had been some other period and place. Acting up to a Spanish grandee who might have been with Don John at Lepanto takes it out of one a good deal. Nelly began by saying that she did not understand my coaduct, but if I ed to have nothing more to do with her I was taking the right way. “«Madam,’ I replied, resting my hand on the air where the hilt of my sword would have been, if I had one, ‘it doth not become you to bandy words with your lord and master——’ “Nelly threw up her head and her nose in the air and sniffed. ““Woman,’ I thundered, ‘know you not that it is for me to com- mand and for you to obey. Get thee down on thy knees and beseech favor or—or get thee to a nunnery!’ “Nelly not only turned up her nose, she curled up her lips and her eyebrows and made a face at me. “Wretched creature,’ I roared, ‘Don Diego y Quadelquer y Matadoro y Porto Rico has never suffered such an insult from any man. Would he endure it from a wife?’ “T seized her by the wrist. ““Oh, you're hurting me!’ she cried. “T felt her fingers on my arm. She was pinching me. Of course, historically, her hair should have been down and I should hav: dragged her about the room and jumped on her. I did the best I could in the spirit of realism. Also I was a little carried away by the enthusiasm of the true artist who has lost himself in his part. I boxed Nelly’s ears. “*Are you out of your mind?’ she cried, and drew back in amaze- ment. I was a good deal stari!ed myself. ‘0, madam,’ I answered, clinging desperately to my role. are in Spain and in the sixteenth century.’ The narrator was silent. After such a revelation and in the face ‘of such a serious situation, the social tact upon which I had always hitherto been able to rely completely deserted me. I found nothing to say. He put his hand in his pocket and drew out a package. ‘We Ater many unwrappings he drew forth and placed on the table a concentrated gleam of light which glowed and sparkled before my eyes. “This,” he said, “tis the Remorsoff diamond. It is one of the named diamonds of the world. For years it has laii the vault of a great jeweler in Fifth Avenue. It has lain there because there were no purchasers. I do not know whether it will be of any use in easing our domestic difficulties.” At length I found something to say. “Diamonds have no periods.” He looked more cheerful. “Nor true love,” I added. He seemed to cheer up still more and answered hopefully . “Oh, as I said, Nelly’s all right!” t officer if I was to borrow a pair of long pants an’ put on a cork mustache.” comicbooks.com