Judge — August 11, 1917 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

August 11, 1917 | Stories with Smiles Up-to-Date—The following conversa- tion occurred in one of the lunch rooms, the other day: Customer—I would like an order of Ger- man Frankforts, a cup of English breakfast tea and two French rolls.” Waiter (to the cook)—One war on a tray. Customer—Please add two sinkers (dough- nuts) to my order. Waiter (to the cook)—Throw in a couple of U-boats.—Buffalo Commercial. The Detectors—The constable gazed long and thoughtfully at the hole in Mrs Parkington’s parlor window. Then he pro- duced a notebook. “You ‘eard the crash at four o'clock?” “Four o'clock,” echoed the lady. “You run to the door, but seed nobody?” “Nobody.” After this question Sherlock could think of no more, so he shut up his book with a snap and walked off, dreaming of promo- tion. A few minutes later he was back, with a full-face smile that was eloquent of triumph. “Jobs like this ’ere don’t take a smart chap long,” he remarked. ‘‘You’re sure it happened at four o’clock, ma’am?”’ “Yes, Have you caught the culprits?” “Well, not yet, ma’am,” he answered, “but I’m a-narrowin’ of it down all right. It wasn’t Bill "Iggins, ’cos ’e was killed by a motor-car at ’arf-past three!”—London Fun. Corrected—A teacher, instructing her class in grammar, wrote two sentences on the blackboard. The sentences were: “The hen has got three legs,” and ‘‘ Who done it?” She said to Tommy, who was not a very bright pupil: “Go to the blackboard and correct those two sentences.” Tommy slowly approached the board, thinking hard. Then he took the chalk and wrote: “The hen never done it. it.”—Good Jests. Nature done Couldn’t Corner Him—An Irishman, passing a shop where a notice was displayed saying that everything was sold by the yard, thought he would play a joke on the shop- man, so he entered the shop and asked for a yard of milk. The shopman, not in the least taken aback, dipped his fingers in a bowl of milk and drew a line a yard long on the counter, Pat, not wishing to be caught in his own trap, asked the price. “Sixpence,” said the shopman. “All right, sorr,” said Pat. ‘Roll it up; I'll take it!” —Tit-Bits. The Modern Way—“It is customary to seai a proposal with a kiss, is it not?” “Tt used to be, but nowadays it is consid- ered best to have a witness.”—St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The Charge—The man _ stammered painfully as he stood in the dock at the GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER “Its purity has made it famous."* ‘80e the case of six glass stoppered botties. (Adv) lerELOWSe MOTOR LIFE will save you the price of 50 theatre tickets or a trip to the seashore in the cost of running your car. It shows you how to run it like a business man— not like a prodigal. You can save whole days in the repair shop, gallons of gasoline—and hundreds of miles on your tires by following the suggestions of experts. Motor Life gives them to you by the score in every number. DON’T THROW MONEY AWAY Before you buy a new car or spend a cent on your old car in overhauling, remodelling or appointments, consult with Motor Life. It can save you hundreds of dollars at the cost of one useless accessory. Motor Life makes ECONOMIZING A PLEASURE No long-winded, technical discus- sions. No “trade news.” No dust and grease. Practical help to help you save money, given you in a new and entertaining way. Take advan- tage of this special trial offer. FOR JUST $1.00 you will get the six most elaborate numbers ever published by a motor magazine, and personal service for six months free of charge in all things pertaining to your car— planning trips, solving mechanical problems, suggesting and actually purchasing | equipment in New York. August—Country Club Number September—Sports Number October—Closed Car Number November—Winter Motoring Number | December—Metropolitan Number January—New Car Number with hundreds of beautiful illustra- tions. The new- est motor styles, conveniences and luxuries—touring, sports, aeroplan- ing, society, oe =F 23 Weat 39th Street Join the 40,000 New York City smartest people I accept your readingAmerica’s | _ for six months and smartest motor a bill for one dollar. 5 OR—Send it for magazine. one year and bill for $3.00. (Indicate your preference.) Don't bother to send money— just send the coupon,