Judge — July 21, 1917 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

awton ‘atson that Here Wal- -what of the nnual Me- ists a Fifth asure f the Mc- stant r fair Luna rest, ther nce, nan was and ond ta self nly » be was and ing eS S$ July 21, 1917 FROM A SINNER’S DIARY AGTIME can’t help it because it’s ragtime. R Key! I’ve got a cousin who’s a deserter! I know a man who if he can’t kill every good time cripples it all he can. Arsenate of lead spray tells which way the wind blows. The whole world, from Deuces and Jacks down to kings, has got don’t giveaslam. Brother says it seems as if his thumb always has to be in the dangerous place. Dear! I’m glad they didn’t get me from the remnant counter. If he works half a day he has to lean way back with his head on a pillow for days and can absorb nothing but softshell toast. For such times house cleaning is saved up for him. I look down from the orchard merrily— where I’m dragging with the clown colt who always gets there first and you can’t keep her back, and if you hit her on the nose just as hard as you can you can’t even make her wink—at the quilts and carpets flopping. That's the way they learn the road to having things nice. _ I’ve traveled it some. That’s why I shun it sonow. The colt snakes me around among the trees like a roller coaster—I’ll have to paste ’em with newskin— and stretches me out like an angle worm that has an old hen by the nose trying to drag her into its hole. If I didn’t pop back into place I could pick peaches without a ladder if the trees were high as eucalyptus. I wish my blistered, etc., heel would heal as quick. It looks like a cubist painting. It docs not rain long enough for it to recover. My neighbor just phoned for peroxide. He kicked at a hog, run a tooth through his boot and is bleeding, severely. He kicked the wrong end. “Wanting to live with” is the biggest compliment that can be handed, even though it may not always seem so to the handee. They don’t want to, of course; you and I know that; but while they think they do don’t murder it too violently. “To travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” ’Tis better, yet, to so live that nobody’ll want to live with you. —Lynette Freemire. EXPERIENCE LD DAME EXPER 'E keeps a dear school—and a poor one. For centuries we have praised her teaching, but of late we have begun to investigate her methods and the results she gets. And we don’t think half as much of her work as we used to. The renowned spinster has simply got away well with her gigantic in- stitution—that’s all. We have been kind (and foolish) enough to point repeatedly to her few successes and to overlook her thousands of failures. Because of her immense popularity with rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief, we have been backward about looking into her record. For thousands of years the bigoted old lady made us use donkeys and oxen instead of gasoline. She taught us to die at thirty or forty, when we should have rounded out a full four or five score. For centuries she allowed us to believe that the rack and the pillory, were powerful instruments in the suppression of ideas with which we did not agree. When you and I were tiny tots she kept our tummies full of pare- goric and noxious soothing-syrups. She pooh-poohed germs and bacteria and anti-toxins when they were new, and she’s doing it yet. She hoots at everything that hasn’t been taught at her school. She’s an envious, withered old crone. Dame Experience knows a good many things—and knows them well; but we must get away from our high opinion of her infallibility. We must let up a little on our yelping and snapping at the man with training and education and advanced ideas. He may not know as many things as old Miss Experience does, but he knows a great deal more about one or two things. All Is Not Gold Polly—She admits she is terribly disappointed in her husband. 'y—What’s the matter with him? Polly—Oh, she married him to reform him, and now she finds he doesn’t need it. What She Did With It She (just back from extended visit)—One little letter from you in the whole time I was gone! I appreciated it. He—Did you have it framed? She—No; had it enlarged. ‘When the keen zest of sport gives way to fatigue, there's nothing so delicious, so completely refresh- ing as Coca-Cola. Demand the genuine by full name— nicknames encourage substitution. THE COCA-COLA COMPANY, Adanta, Ga. If you can draw a little and want to draw more, you have an opportunity to learn at small expense to yourself. EUGENE ZIMMER- MAN has an established reputation as a car- toonist. He has put some of the tricks of his trade into a book, “CARTOONS and CARICATURES” 3/ bound neatly in 34 mo- rocco, which will be sent to you prepaid on receipt of $1.00. ZIM BOOK 7-21 Brunswick Building, 225 Fifth Ave., New York City