Judge — July 7, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sek = . = : » Wife—Why don't you row a straight course, Henry? I don’t take chances with submarines! ‘on purpose. Eggs After Rudyard Kipling y BURGES JONNSON HAT makes the housewife’s h What makes her to perspire It isn’t that the price of meat is ever going higher, It isn’t even sugar that has turned life’s wine to dregs, I's paying fifty bloomin’ cents for half a dozen egg: t turn sick? It’s eggs, O the eggs—O the lovely storage eggs— That come upon your table so white and nicely done And when you break ‘em open, you hate their very dregs, And you've paid eight cents apiece for every one. What makes her husband swear so hard When bills are comin’ in— And wife is handing cach one out and shaking in her skin? It isn’t beef at thirty cents, it isn’t hats or frills, But eggs at ninety cents a doz. that stare up from those bills. Oh the egg, O the egg—O the necessary ege— That enters into cakes and pies and everything that’s nice— We simply have to have ‘em even tho’ we steal or beg— But O the price, the ever soaring price! His Probable Identity Mercy! Who is that intellectual-looking young man straining and contorting in the grasp of those two policemen?” Some struggling poet, 1 ,presume,” nonchalantly replied old Gaunt N. Grimm. Sad, Indeed! I days of old, when knights were bol It was a sorry sight When occurred appendicitis In the middle of the knight. —Tennysont J. Di That Awful Word Maude—Marie says that she hasan awful lot of friends. Miriam—Yes; but some of them are not so bad. We knew a President whose undertaking nobody found fault with. We forget the name of the undertaker. HOME ON FURLOUGH Henry—(first time at the oars) I’m rowing zig-zag The Notion Counter By DOOGL MALLOCH Te clocutionist’s recitation, with sob-stuff at the piano» nearly always begins with the statement that “the sun was sinking in the west,” thus reminding us of an interesting and important geographical fact that otherwise we might have forgotten. If it were not for the rest of us, we could sometimes almost wish that some of these Americans who are trying to make this a colony of Germany would succeed. It is remarkable how few people know there is a war on considering how much there has been about it in the papers. Whenever I laugh at one of my own jokes I suspect that it is somebody else’s that I have heard somewhere else. The socialist who expects democracy via the Kaiser would try to get to New Orleans via the Canadian Pacific. Russia is learning that painless revolutions are about as much of a success as painless dentistry. Probably a lot of wives will want to enlist so they can fight with their husbands. Speaking of authors, under no condi and Comfort to the enemy. 1 never knew what was meant by until T went to one. Often the trouble with a beauis that he won't stay tied. The man in a box-office must have read some book of ei quette upside down, The trouble with the socialist peace talk is that it was made in Germany. When a man says, “Still 1 will say this,” he never say's it still. They raise the wheat in the west but the bread in the yeast. Troubles singly, or anyway not much as marriedly. Some of the men who shape public opinion arebum sculptors. A king was all right until America led the ace. A rumor is about as hard to unspread as butter. The wise wife keeps her temper and her looks. pme day we hope to see him the ki-yi-ser. ions will we give Ade a harrowing recital” never come comicbooks:com