Judge — June 30, 1917 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Keep Fit—for Your Country In this world crisis it is your duty, above everything else, to keep yourself in good condition. You can’t serve your country in any capacity if you allow your health to run down. The Nujol treatment will make you a national asset— not a liability. Take a little Nujol upon rising and retiring and it will remove waste matters and poisons (intestinal toxins) from your system, and keep your habits regular as clock work. Nujol is not habit forming. (The longer you take it, the less you need it.) No griping, straining, upset stomach or weakening. Nujol is absolutely pore and harmless, and is pleasant to take. Even the infant will enjoy it, and it will do as much for him as it does for his mother. Nujol is sold in pint bottles only, bearing Nujol trademark, never in bulk, Nujol is absolutely distinctive and individual, There is no other product on the market like it. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (ew Jersey) Smiles Stories with Economy With an Auto—Something happened to the steering gear} and his machine dashed across a crowded side and into a jeweler’s store} window. It cost him heavily to settle everything and after that he didn‘! drive his car. Next he hired a chauffeur to tool him down town. Soon some! trouble developed. He hailed the driver: “What's the matter?” “Steering gear gone wrong, sir! What shall I do?” “ Drive into.the cheapest thing you see!”"—Argonaut. Practicing Economy—Donald McAllister, a Scottish farmer, was going to town for a day or two, and his daughter Maggie had a weary time listening to the hundred-and-one instructions he gave her as to care and economy, “Mind the coal,” “Don’t waste any food,” “Don’t sit up burning light” Finally, he set off, but in a moment he was back with a parting admoni n’, Maggie, there’s young Angus. Sce that he doesna wear his specta- cles when he’s no readin’ or writin’! It’s needless wear an’ tear!”"—Tit-Bits, Seed Waster—* There's a planting potatoes,” said Farmer Com. tossel, “when he ought to be playin’ golf.” You don’t approve of gardening?” “Yes, Ido. But if he’d go ahead an’ play golf he wouldn't be spoilia’ | good potatoes that somebody could use.”"—IWashington Star. The Song of the Supers We've been the Roman army and we've been the Paris mob, We've marched with Dave Belasco’s boys in blue, We've fought in Shenandoah, and we've often had the job Of assisting in the Taming of the Shrew. We're battle-battered veterans of every blessed 3 We can stand before a stage director's “ Damn” But we've made our last appearance, and we're going to engage For a season on the road with Uncle Sam We've rushed across from R. to L. pursuing empty air, We've done some noble slaughter in the wings, We've fired a thousand volleys on a foe that wasn’t there, And it seems to us that we're fit for better things We want to feel the fever of a reatistic fight, And we want to storm a fort that ain’t a sham; We're sick of, being soldiers at a half-a-plunk a night, So we're going on the road with Uncle Sam: And it isn’t for the glory, and it isn’t for the pay— For none of us expect to be a star But it’s just the human longing for the madness of the fray, It’s the wanting to be really what we are. So we've quit the Roman army, and we've laid the props aside, And the stage door shuts behind us with a slam And we ain't afraid of dying—for we've very often died— And we'll gladly die again for Uncle Sam. Randolph Hartley, in Dramatic Mirrer. Then, Perhaps—‘‘Are you of the opinion, Jame ked a slim looking young man of his companion, “that Dr. Smith’s medicine does any you follow the directions.” What are the directions?” “Keep the bottle tightly corked.” —Tit-Bits. No Desire—Mrs. t’s go and see that new medium. She claims that she can call up any spirit you desir Mrs. B.—Thanks! I have no desire to communicate with spirits that to be called up.—Boston Transcript. Converted—“ Who's that fire-eating individual over there? He seems to be going about with a chip on his shoulder all the time.” “Oh, he used to be a pacifist. But the other day he hit a man on the jaw and got away with it, and since then he’s been looking for nor worlds to conquer."”—Detroit Free Press. Expert Opinion—“Do you think it a waste of time to say ‘pleas’ over the telephone?” | ‘Not any more a waste of time than half the other conversation thst) goes over the wire.’—Washington Star. |