Judge — June 9, 1917 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The New Rules F YOU expect to be healthy all of your days and live so long that you can’t remember your second childhood you will have to quit everything that you are now doing and accus- tom yourself to food, clothing, exercise and habits that are new and different. Such is the verdict of the most popular health experts and journalistic physicians of our land. It is the only conclusion a sane man can come to after a careful study of the thousand and several infallible guides to healthand longevity that have been poked at us within the last three or four years. It would scem that the secret of health is, “Don’t do that, do this.”” If you've been dieting, go to gormand- izing; if you've been drinking water at meal time, stop it at once. Three baths a day is too many if you have been accustomed to it, but it’s just right if you've been used to one or none. Eggs are good for you if you don’t like them and have never eaten them, likewise kraut and wienies and whole-wheat bread and olive oil. You may be sure that whatever you have been eating is not what you should eat. It is the same way with clothing and exercise. Flannels are the ruination of the fellow who uses them and the salvation of the fellow who doesn’t. So are ear-mufis, sport shirts and felt boots. If you have been walking six miles a day, vaulting over the piano ten times before breakfast, balancing the kitchen range on your chin for an hour in the evening and using your wife for a sparring partner and a medicine ball, you need more quiet. If you have not been doing these things, pitch into them at once Verily, as far as our health is concerned, we may rest assured that we are on the wrong track. 644 yh = OW SE of New York wants the courts to decide that Hetty n_ resided not where she said she Jed, but where she would have (resi she had not resided somewhere else. Being a married man, Mr. Travis realizes that the strategic time to readjust these matters for a lady is not during the lady's lifetime. 2 “Uncle Sam needs an army of | stenographers.”—Newspaper headline. If the peck-a-boo shirt waist is still in vogue, ’twill never do to expose them to the draft. 2 Government regulation is so searching nowadays that no- body’s scales dare be out of order, unless maybe it is the fishes’"— or the San José. * lackers” who marry to escape going to war have no taste for the merely temporary Some of the * may do so because they fight. * The Prince of Wales wants to marry his cousin, the Princess Maud. No objection on our part, if the young folks are suited. In fact, we rather like the idea of confining dethronement possi bilities to families already exposed. s Artemus Ward in an earlier crisis offered to give to the colors. all his wife’s relations. If he were alive today he would throw in the co-respondent. .& An optimist is a person who believes the pictures on his packets of seeds.—Boston Transcript. He's a rank pessimist, compared to the seed sending Con- gressman who believes his constitutents, after comparing crop with picture, will vote to re-elect him. comicbooksgeomy