Judge — May 26, 1917 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

— RIT a RE eo § May 26, 1917 THE PURE FOOD MATINEE AVING gotten up on the right side of the bed and having placed H both feet on the floor at the same time, Aunt Susan Maria was in a mood to New York the other morning. She had been some- what gloomy ever since her nephew’s family, which she is visiting, enticed her to the theater and was inclined to scorn all offers of diversion save one to put another record on. Ever since her journey into the realm of the stage she had expressed a preference for the sound of the speaking tube, and had disdained to hear even the overture of a symphonic orchestra. But this day she manifested a ess to be entertained. Aunt Susan Mari: the family chorused. “We'll take you to the theater. How'd you like to see Maude Adams?” As usual, ‘Aunt Susan Maria had her mind made up. “I want to go to a Pure Food matinee,” she asserted “T saw in the paper this morning there was to be a Pure Food show this afternoon (only I notice you folks call a show a matinee when it comes in the afternoon). I want to see one. I’ve seen vaudevilley and drama and grand operies in Vermont, but I hain’t never seen a Pure Food matinee and I feel just like waltzing into one.” The family declared if there was anything that would entertain Aunt Susan Maria they would like to know it, so they drew lots in the hall and it fell to Celia to escort their visitor. When the family gathered around the polished mahogany that night they ventured to inquire of Aunt Susan Maria how she liked the matinee. They might have known better. ell, after seeing those ‘Follies.’ the other night. [ thought nothing could disappoint me, but of all the disappointing things [ ever saw that Pure Food matinee was the limit. It’s no mystery to me now why folks have dyspepsia, and indigestion and pendisitus and all the other fashionable things. “That Pure Food show was certainly a sight. There was condensed milk, pressed beef and dried meats, evaporated fruits and lots of other imitation articles that looked like the bark off’n a tree. Just imagine using that there oleomargerine for butter. That pamphlet they give me said oleomargerine is just as good as butter, but you can’t tell me! There's nothing as good as fresh butter, and as for condensed milk, it’s enough to make a cow blush. Those evaporated fruits looked for all the world like dried leather. Who wants ‘mapline,’ where there’s plenty of good maple syrup in the world? All these here substitutions make me sick.” “But, Aunt Susan Maria, don’t you know people can’t afford to use the real articles, everything is so high? They have to use substitutes,” her nephew suggested “If the women folks would put in more time in their kitchens cooking com meal Johnny cake, and weren't too lazy to peel their apples for pies there wouldn’t be no such thing as ‘pure food.’ Folks would get enough to cat at home then, without having to go to a Pure Food matinee to look at imitations. I didn’ : a thing there I'd like to have on my plate. We don’t need no food m&ti Pauline Eggleston Mandigo. Shear Steal Vanishing Trick—Two local friends of a noted magician were the guests at dinner. “You do some wonderful things on the stage,” one of his friends observed; “but Lam inclined to think you are handicapped when you are away from your apparatus.” y extent, yes.” the magician admitted; “but there are many things Tecan anywhere on a moment's notice: “Let me see you do something now.” “Alright. Take, for-instance, this steak, the Brussels sprouts and the salad “Ve”? “Ina very few minutes we will cause all of them to entirely disappear.” —} nen Telegram New Species—AMrs. Kuicker—Did you enjoy the star? Mrs. Newrich—VYes; I think she is a fine commotional actress.—Chicago L Hei His Own Shame—Robert’s mother’s admonishing to her small son generally ended with the words: “I'd be ashamed of you if you did so THE Great Naval Number OF THE SCIENTIFICAMERICAN NAVAL NUMBER L This number was published on March 3rd when the United States was awakening to the possibilities of war. It contains an accurate and authoritative account of our NAVY and COAST DEFENSES. MANY ILLUSTRATIONS AND DIAGRAMS CONTENTS COMPARISON of the UNITED STATES NAVY and that of GERMANY The Destroyer and the Torpedo The Machinery of Ships Anti-Submarine Patrol The New 16-inch Coast-Defense Gun The German Merchant Fleet The Development of the ‘‘Big-Gun Ship” Heavy Mobile Artillery Our Industrial Mobilization Our Aerial Coast Defenses The Unarmored Battleship A few copies of this number are still in stock and will be sent to any address in the United States—postpaid—on receipt of twenty- five cents, stamps or coin. TO-DAY and Secure a Copy of send 25¢, THIS NUMBER MUNN &CO., Inc.” New york city comicbooks.com