Judge — May 26, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE FIRING SQUAD peddler’s college, do you think I will speak about Shakespeare? even told me the number of goims there is on a dollar bill and Or with a lady buyer from Boston do I talk about suspenders? how many less on a five dollar bill. I tell you, Max, the whole Oser! 1 size up my customer and fit my tongue to the size. time he was here he was shooting out facts and figgers just like But what’s the use of talking with you? water from a pipe.” Talk to you and talk to the wall. It’s the Oi, why wasn’t I here! why wasn’t I here!” wailed the same thing. If you’d have sense, you'd disappointed Markowitz. “1 would make him feel at home and be a boss yourself. But, Henry, remember give him some points myself! I would tell him things he don't what I’m going to tell you now! A Mr. know, even if 1 would have to take them from my own head. Davis, a big buyer from the Louisville Why, oh why, Henry, didn’t you tell him some yourself and he Bazzar, is coming here three o'clock; and — wouldn’t be now by that robber Katz and 3 if I don’t come back—I got to be at the “T didn’t say a thing to him, I just listened and said noth- Broadway Central, I'm late already—you * smilingly asserted Henry. keep him here till I come. Do you hear? “Then that’s why you got nothing!” flared back Markow If not he may run over to that cutthroat “Who says I got notting? And what is this?” exultingly Katz across the way! Here’s a couple cigars—good-bye! And the skirt manufacturer rushed into the hallway, just in time to catch a descending elevator. A little after four, Markowitz again burst into his office, finding Henry, the only occupant, softly whistling to himself. “Nu, where is Davis?” breathlessly inquired Markowitz, facing his apparently unconcerned bookkeeper. “Davis?” repeated Henry, calmly gazing at his brother- in-law. “Oh, Dav: He couldn’t wait no longer. I’m glad he went away. It made me sick and tired to listen to- ig “Gone! Da exploded Markowitz, unable to restrain his anger and chagrin. ‘So buyers made you sick and tired? Henry, I'll tell you something. Bookkeepers make me sick and tired! I stand from you enough, but too much is plenty! To-morrow is Saturday and to-morrow we break off business relations, forever!” “Alleright, you want it should be good-bye—then good- ye,”’ replied Henry with unusual self-restraint. ‘Believe me, x, if you was here you could sell a line of skoits to Mr. vis, just like p -boo waists to Eskimos, He was ing notting but facts and statist He is a regelar Iking encyclopedia and he bored me to death.” What do I care if he’s a walking encyclopedi yelled . With disgust. “So long we walk away with an order. Let him walk; let him talk; so long he buys! He— “But you ought to hear what he was telling me about, soberly continued Henry, still unruffled by his brother-in-law’s outburst. “He told me the number of noodles used in the whole woild in a year, and how many times it would go around the woild if placed end to end. He told me the lowest tem- perature in Kotzabue, Alaska, and the highest in the Winter Garden, New York. He told me the real name of every actor and the real age of every actorky. You'd be surprised what a plain feller like him ries around in his head. He knows all the philosophy of the Goiman ‘Nitche’ and every meaning of the Russian ‘Nitchevo.’ He knows exactly the number of steps a man wastes in his lifetime and the population of Ar- verne in the summer time. He knows how many fleas there is This is M. Binks, who has just been bragging that he'd like in Constantinople and how many dogs in Coney Island. He to be an aviator, comicbooks.com