Judge — May 5, 1917 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RECIPE FOR MAKING A HIT Ry K. L. ROBERTS * words that flatter womankind, No words, I claim, are more effective At capturing the female mind Than those with weight as their ob- jective. You'll soften any woman's heart, Though may be a rank be- ginner, If you will say to her, in part, “My dear, you're looking so much thinner!” you ) praise her dress, of course, is good To praise her face and hair is better, Unless she’s made of stone or wood, Such praise will please the saddest fretter; But ah! such praise cannot compare With that which ever proves a winner— That one so welcome everywhere: ood gracious! but you're getting thinner!” It matters not how plump the It matters not how fast the Such things as this will prove no bar: The ladies never know you're feigning, Say what you want, to whom you will, Be you a saint or hardened sinne Provided that she gets a thrill From hearing that thinner. she’s growing You needn't bother with finesse: 0 subtlety at all is needed. The plainest speech will meet success, The crudest language will be heeded. Although your thoughts be stiff and trite, At any tea or dance or dinner You'll hold her breathless with delight By whispering: “You're so much thinner!” Mistaken Identity He—Didn't T hear that expects to be a veterinary? She—Why, no—he hasn't listed, = your son even en- Symptoms the Same Flubdub—I can always tell a married man when I meet one. Henpecke—Oh, 1 don’t know. You might occasionally run across a bachelor with a grouch. With the Movie: “What are you filming now?" “Story of Jonah and the whale, in 24 exteriors and 16 interiors.” The Careful Sex Milly—A woman always looks before she leaps. Billy—Ves, if it is only to see that her hat is on straight Sincere Support Campaign: manager—Vhat chap over in the back row seems very enthusiastic. Candidate—V You see, he has cight daughters, and if Twin, one of ‘em marries me. Consideration Mrs k—V'd be ashamed, if I was a man, to let a woman order me around Mr. Peck—V'm sure you would, Henrictta—and_ it’s considerate of not to ask me to let you you The Climbers Mrs. Buttersly—Weren't prised to see Mr. and Mrs at the Glow Worms’ tea? Mrs. Grasshopper—My dear, how can you exclude people who can afford to cat potatoes every day? you sur Potato Bug THE NEWEST BUG By STRICKLAND GILLILAN is no neighborhood but holds styled genius who declares . hid in his cerebral folds, Are wondrously contrived affairs make the world sit up and look And hail his erstwhile humble name— There'll be no future knowledge book Without @ mention of his fame. He one time worked upon a thing With which to navigate the air. ‘The Wright boys came along, and—bing! His jigger wasn’t anywhere He wrought upon a steedless cart That should astonish all mankind. Somebody made one that would start Again our genius falls behind. But now, aircraft and car forgot, Perpetual motion laid aside, He's busy His fame-lust will be satisfied, He's messing ‘round with dru Whose labels he won't let be se His object—it is plain enough: \ substitute for gasoline. still; and like as not Batch—He even has to mind the baby. ‘ather of the Man Hatch—Is he very much henpecked? The child No, Grandpa, that old system of burying one's head in the sand is not taught in school any more. The hunters biave begun to discover the trick. comicbooks.com