Judge — May 5, 1917 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Vanity Doesn’t Go Far Enough NITY which prides itself merely on a good complexion isn’t enough, A thorough oing pride in a healthy body is much more worth while cultivating. You cannot have a good complexion or a body if your system is continually clogged with waste matter. Nujol, unlike physic or drugs, will effect- ively relieve constipation without in any way disturbing the normal bowel function. It prevents the intestinal contents from be- coming hard, lubricates the intestinal tr: and so facilitates normal movements. does not gripe or upset the system, tasteless, it is not unpleasant to take The Standard Oil Company (New Jersey has used its world-wide re: in pro- ducing Nujol and its reputation is behind the produ Nujol is the only remedy for constipation we manufacture. The genuine sold only in pint bottles bearing Nujol trade-mark. All bottles filled at our Nujol plant, absolutely modern and sanitary. Write today for instructive booklet, using coupon below. STANDARD OIL COMPANY [New Jersey] Bayonne New Jersey SAUTEMTET! of sonstipation City Seate than one knows. There was an incident in a western town wherein g lawyer carried the rule to the extreme Counsel for one side objected to a person whose name was on the court's register for some purpose or other, on the ground that he was dead. counsel on the other side declined to accept the assurance and deman conclusive testimony on the point. “Whereupon counsel for the other side arose and gave corroborati | ev idence as to the decease of the man in question, “But, sir, how do you know the man's dead?’ demanded opposing counsel. “*Well,’ was the reply. ‘I-don’t know. It’s very difficult to prove! As I'suspected. You don’t know whether he’s dead or not ‘No, but I do know this—they buried him about a month suspicion.’ "—Chicago Herald. Trusty Women—The girl loved him with that foolish infatuation that seth understanding. ‘The young man didn’t do anything. He simply appeared on the scen: In time stories came to her cars and she told him how she disbelieved every one of them. They said he wouldn't pay his debts, but she knew better, for had she not divided her allowance with him for this purpose? It is enough,” he told her one day, simply, “if you trust me “T do, Reginald—I do, | do!” she murmured, as he enfolded her. “Ah!” he cried. imprinting a chaste kiss upon her temple, “why—oh, why aren't you my landlady? "Minneapolis Tribune. Help Yourself—Elsie came home from a neighbor's house munching achocolate “Now, Elsie.” her mother reproved her, “how many times have I told you not to ask Mrs. Gray for chocolates?” “LT didn’t ask her,” returned Elsie, calmly. “I don’t have to. 1 know where she keeps them.”—Chicago Herald. Told in An Epitaph—An automobile accident resulted in the death of the driver and the injury of two passengers. The coroner summoned several witnesses, among them a farmer living near the scene of the accident. There was voluminous testimony regarding the high speed at which the car traveled. Witnesses said, too, that the a road was in bad repair. The coroner finally reached the farmer, who lived This near the scene. “What would you say about this accident, Mr. Swiggert?” the coroner] asked { “Well, if Twas writin’ that young man’s epitaph,” the witness drawled I'd say he died tryin’ to get 60 miles out of a 1o-mile road.”"—Chicag arnal, In Winter Winds—* Does it not throw a shade of bitterness into yor heart.” said the poetic youth. “to sce the trees all leafless, and to hear t wind sighing in mournful monotony? Does it not make you feel that therg is too much that is bleak in the world now v th: ut the winter is here?” No,” answered the practical youth, “it does not. “WwW hy ie “Because my father is ih the coal business." —Railroad Magazine. Rural Inclinations — “1 was just reading,” said the fat plumber, “that parents should carefully observe the actions of their children with t view of properly directing their developing talents.” I don’t just get you,” the thin carpenter returned “You should watch your children to sce if they show any fitness fora par ticular calling, and then you should see that they are encouraged.” Yh, Lsee. Tf my boy cuts sticks and saws boards he is liable to be @ carpenter and should be aided along that Tine.” rectly.” “Huh. Tl bet a cookie the baby is going to be a farmer.” “Does he try to plant thing: “Nope.” “Fond of cows and pigs?” vope hen what makes you think he is cut out for a farmer?” “He generally gets the whole family up before 5 o'clock in the mornin, ‘oungstorwen Telegram. The Conscientious Scot—An enterprising drummer attempted to i n old Scotch merchant by offering him a box of cigars. } id the old chap, shaking his head gravely, “I canna’ tak! said the drummer. “If you have any conscientious scruples} you may pay me a quarter for the box.” “Weel, wel.” said the old Scot, “UI tak’ two boxes.""—Chicago Heralds comicbooks.com