Judge — April 28, 1917 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

YOU ARE CHEATING YOURSELF If You Don't See CHEATING CHEATERS IT’S A WONDERFUL THRILLER AT al 3 Me ELTINGE o's. 20405 wan suo EMPIRE *°xno webs Ago CHARL PROHMAN Presents MAUDE A KISS ADAMS yen CINDERELLA J. M. BARRIE’S GREATEST TRIUMPH COHAN & HARRIS HFAtre Weat 42nd Se. Phene Bryant 6344 Mats. Wed. and Sat. 2:15 COHAN & HARRIS PRESENT “The Willow Tree” A Fantasy of Japan By BENRIMO AND HARRISON RHODES 48TH STREE THEATRE just East of B'way PHONE 178 BRYANT Evenings 8:20 Matinees Thursday and wee 2:20 mye The 13th Chair 2 with MARGARET WYCHERLY After a Ten Weeks’ Run In LESLIE'S Evenings 815 “The Letters ofa Self-Made Failure” Maurice Switzer in “The Self-Made Failure” is at his best. You can’t see him because it isn’t a play, but you can read his clever book and get a message of hope and help along with a gener- ous share of rich humor. “The Letters of a Self-Made Failure,” hand- somely bound, profusely illustrated, will be sent to any address for $1.00. LESLIE-JUDGE CO., 225 Fifth Ave., New York City Bright with epigrams Sound in its philosophy Delightful in its humor Dramatic in its incidents In New York Theatres Barnum and Bailey Circus—Madison Sq You know it—or have you hop up? Big Show—The Hippodrome. The usual Hippodrome melange of marvels, with Annette Kellermann as an added attraction. farris, A play by Prank Mande with a cast including John Mason and Irene Fenwick Brat, The “Harris. A clever comedy written and Canary Cottage—3 Come Out of the Kitchen Chatterton in a charming rol downs—chiefly ups Das Konzert and Kepertoire—Irving PI plays prese c lent stock cor Disradi—| orge Arliss in his greatest success Eileen—Shubert. Romantic comic opera with some ever lyrics Stevens in Galsworthy's An interesting play by a nand Mrs, Washburn Freund Her Soldier Boy—Asto ton Crawford and Adele Rowland in a very ple al comedy Knife, The—Bijou. The opening of a new with a new play Johnny Get Your Gun—Criterion. Ra farce, wherein 1 West meet, hap ; for Cinderella, A—Empire, | Maude Ads ams pla ¢ J. M. Barrie's irresponsibt ful perforn artime play of, by, The—Garric Man Who Came Back, TI ie tale of success against odds, with Nothing But the Truth—Longac vividly the troubl . A musical comedy by P. G. Wode- Jerome Kern Our Betters—Madson. A play by Somerset Maugham, with Chrystal Herne ‘A new war play, one of the series rs for Laurette Tayl . A comedy by Lee Wilke 3 A. Wise and William Cour Du Maurier’s nove! d tized; pres lent Show of Wonders—W . A tired busi man medley of 50: : remarkable effects ful Calamity, A—Boo' mer in which Willia time form ma by ¢ particular that Very Minute, The ‘oand Hurrison Rhorles >. Otto Hauerbach and R Produce a dainty mus The Tabooed Word LIMB BROWN, member of the limbal fraternity, always selected as a delim- bate to all his party’s conventions and once a member of the limbislature, sent his (limbitimate) daughter -to an allimbed col- limbe, where she met a phlimbmatic mem- ber of a foreign limbation, roused him from his accustomed phlimbm and married him. whereupon her father was so delighted he made her his sole limbatee. —Strickland Gillilan. No Grape in Grapefruit; No Bread in Breadfray The of the trademark “Limestom Brand” was recently denied the manufactur of a cathartic medicine by the United Stats examiner of trademarks on the general grounds that the application of the word “limestone” to something that contained no limestone was undescriptive and deceptive. The applicant took an appeal, the ay hinging on whether a word with a well-defin meaning of its own can be divorced from tha meaning and used as a more or less suggestive part of a phrase in some other connection The decision of the examiner was sustained, ir spite of the cleverness of appell: a part cof whose amusing brief is quoted from the American. ‘ 1s No cream in cream of tartar, in coh cream or in chocolate creams, no milk in milk of magnesia, in milkweed, or in the cocoanut These are all as remote from the cow as the cowslip. “There is no grape in grapefruit or bread is breadfruit. A pineapple is neither pine nor ppl prickly pear is not a pear; an alligator pear is neither a pear nor an alligator, and a sugar plum is not a plum. “Apple butter is not butter. All the butter is taken out of buttermilk, and there i: butternuts, or in buttercups, and the fl dairy are not buttertlies. “Peanuts are not peas, and it is doub if they are nuts. Sailors wear pea jackets—peas do not, they have peacods, which by the way are not fish. lonkey wrenches are neither made by not Poles are not made from polecats from badger. “A lathe-chuck is a contrivance fixed to the mandrel to hold the wood—it is not a wood- # chuck. A woodchuck is a groundhog, which is} Fill- not a hog and is not ground—ground hog is} *™eS sausage. And a lathe mandrel is not a monkey, |, Bert though a mandrill is. rary ngel food is caten by everybody. There 24 4 are no sponges in sponge cake, and the eating A of lady fingers does not import cannibalism. 7 “Chickenpox has nothing to do with chickens, | neither has an egg plant, nor a cocktail. “A horse chestnut is as far removed from ho as a saw horse, clothes horse, or a horse radish. A horse chestnut is a nut, so is the thing that goes with a bolt, so is a doughnut. “Sweetbreads are not sweet and are not bread Catgut is no more feline than pussy willow or cattails, and firedogs are andirons and are frequently of brass, and a copper isa policeman o a bull, but an Trish policeman is not an Irish bull “Whifiletrees, boot trees, hall trees, and fam- ily trees are as out of place in the woods as 4 railway frog, a fish plate, a fish story, a mack- crel sky, or a crabapple in the water. Perhaps the court may remember the ‘Country Summer Pastoral,’ which was written by a learned but city bred scholar from know} >. 4 edge derived from etymological deductions) _ ( rather than from actual-experience. He was aa B advocate of the back-to-the-land movement; Was and sang: Jus “T would fly from the city’s rule and law, thy le From its fashion and form cut loose, B And gowhere the strawberry growson its straw, Wee And the gooseberry on the goose; iden Where the catnip tree is climbed by the cat, T As she crouches for her prey, nm The guileless and unsuspecting rat, On the rattan bush at play.” —Kansas City Star. overco: wrong, great comicbooks.com