Judge — April 21, 1917 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| A Few Suggestions HOSE Harvard bachelor graduates who recently got their teeming heads together and committed a symposium on the subject of the “perfect girl” are not to be congratulated. Out of twenty-five or thirty qualifications which they pressed down upon her unprotected shoulders only two have any news The erudite lads decided that the perfect girl ought not be too proud to pray and that she need not be pretty. All the other stuff they worked out is old stuff. It could just as well have been arrived at by a ministerial association or a civic welfare league way out in the brush somewhere. We agree that the perfect girl should not be too proud to pra Praying stimulates humility and humility in girls is as rare as radium nowadays. Just a little bit of humility will go a long way toward solving some of our more insistent do- mestic problem: nong which are the divorce evil and the well publicised annulment suit. It will also do away with the necessity for undue humility on the part of husbands. But we hate like thunder to admit that the perfect girl need not be pretty. We almost feel like paying all the ex- penses of an extra session of those reactionary grads if they will promise to reconsider that fatal motion. We'll bet the price of a tender steak that if only one of those bachelors had been a married man, prettiness would never have gone into the discard. The perfect girl has no more right te be ugly than the perfect watermelon has to be sour. Prettiness attaches to her just as simplicity does to the violet or majesty to the firmament. There is no end to the analogies one could perpetrate to show that prettiness is as vital to perfection in girls as moonlight is to quick results in love. Girls simply must be pretty. If they are not born that way they should patron ize the beauty shops and the female haberdasheries until they appear pretty anyhow. The only excuse for the ugly girl nowadays is indifference. We suggest that a group of married value. The Early Bird—Darn it! L Harvard graduates get together and prepare a “perfect girl” score card. Prettiness will get not less than forty points. A few months domestic experience will demonstrate beyond the flicker of a doubt that even the prettiest girl is homely enough and to spare most of the time. Sixes and Sevens an indecisive election, to hand it to Every time Latin America ha: followed by riot, rebellion and ructions, we hav our Forty-niners for having discovered California. * Congress spent a day canvassing the returns of the presi- dential election and then adjourned without telling us whether Colonel House is de facto, or de jure, or both. « Senator James Hamilton Lewis of Illinois predicts war between the United States and a great union of the nations of Europe and Asia. As, however, he neglects to admit that Uncle Sam can I them all with one hand tied behind his back, evidently this is pessimism— not presidency. + It takes about one reading of a live reporter's aviation test story to convince you that the pen is indeed mightier than the soared. * The brains are on our side of the House Hon. A. P. Gardner, M,C. Cold storage ‘em, Augustus. With the crop failure, they ought to command a market, even in Congress. * Difference between the citrus and the onion: If you hand it to the Wall street operator, it's a lemon—if he hands it to you,*it’s a leak, 2 Proverbs, 15, 17 (reconstructed per to17 model): Better a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled limousine and hatred therewith. There goes the worm I expected to have this morning! comicbooks.com