Judge — March 31, 1917 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(Concluded from second preceding page) gold in a year on a second handed assortment of trees, without even one good apple tree, than what they can dig up in a hun- dred. The next time it’s a trip in a fast otomobile to a chicken farm with a kissing bridge. That trip sounds good; but that’s all. And then we took what the driver calls pleasure rides to haunted houses, deserted villages and cemetery hills. I tell you we buried a fine couple of dollars on them joy rides and maseldige raffles. Every time you toined around, there was a different chance for a different charity. You got to pay what you pull, from a penny to a dollar, and I always had the pull to pull a dollar. If I would win one per cent. of the chances what I took, from pine pillas to grand pianos, I would have enough wedding presents for fifty years for all my relations, with some to spare for my foreladies what get meshuga every couple months and get married.” “But for heaven's sake, Ma: throwing up his hands in the air. pinochle and cut them raffl id rid a little mazumen, so easy like you was with a Washington leak?” “You stand there like a /emech, a dummy, and ask more foolishe questions with your hands than what the biggest judge couldn't answer with his head!” angrily replied Markowitz glaring at his brother-in-law. “Why didn’t I make maswmen? Do you think Iam a backnumber and if there was a good chance I wouldn't make hay while the sun is around? Yes, there was a son in the place, what made everything black instead of light. That son was.a soitan Mr. Greenfield, with a little whiskey on his chin and a whole lot of cheek.” “Yes, I hoid from him,” declared Henry. very good speaker.” “Oi, is he a very good speaker!” echoed Markowitz shaking his head affirmatively. “If I was a salesman like he is a speaker, I would have retired with notting but foist mortgages long ago. When he opens his mouth he can make you believe that to-day is to-morrow and to-morrow will never be yester- day and get you so mixed up that you don’t know if you are ahead or behind, for the Germans or the French or in the mid- dle! When he speaks the weiber think he is a Golt and when he shuts up the manner think the same. Before he come to the hotel, everybody was happy and enjoying themselves like schildren by the ocean. They done what they pleased—danced and pinochled and pokered. But right away he came—that excitedly exclaimed Henry, “For why didn’t you play and expenses and make a Wall Street plumber “T heard he is a Mister Greenfield who's going to be a reverened and he’s study- ing Doctor Philosoph in Columbia College—the pleasure jumped out like champanier from a bottle and everybody commenced being good like they was Billy Sunday’s customers.” “But what did he say that made you all do it like kids in a kindergarten?” demanded Henry. “What didn’t he say,” repeated Markowitz heatedly. .“ All the time he was preaching against Pinochle, Poker, Dancing, so all the people like a bunch of sheep was ashamed for each other not to practice what he preached and stopped enjoying themselves and spent whole nights talking and arguing and fighting like I told you already before. They had nothing else to do. But anyway when I went home on Monday morning, nearly all the rest left Sunday night on the husbands special—I made a dollar and forty-five cents in a two-handed Pinochle.”” “Who was the ea ell me, tell me who was he anywa with marked interest. “Mr. Greenfield, the preacher,” answered Markowitz as he silently entered the show room THE SENSATION FOUNT Visitor—With sharks and submarines about | guess you fellows that live along the shore have some exciting sensations ? . Old ‘Salt Sure we do! Not that I've seen any sharks or “subs, but I read the papers, like the rest of you lubbers.