Judge — March 31, 1917 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Passing the Mustard A Good Doctor—The sympathetic friend —Is he a good doctor? The chronic invalid—Oh, splendid. I have only been employing him three months, and he has already told me I have almost all the diseases there are.—Buffalo Express. Pleasant Neighbors — Uncle Josh — Here’s a letter from Nephew Harry that’s gone to Africa, and say: that within 20 rods ‘of his house there’s a family of laughing -Well, I’m glad he’s got pleasant , anyway—that’s something.—Tit- The Difference—‘Opportunity calls once at every man’s door.” “Hard luck is a whole lot more sociable.” —Pittsburgh Post. Not That Kind—‘See here, that cos- tume is cut entirely too low for g ballroom.” “Don’t be absurd, mother. This is a street suit.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. He Had One—“I say, old man, do you happen to have a five you are not using?” “Why, yes; here you are.” “Thanks! But, I say, this looks like a counterfeit “Itis. That’s why I’m not using it.”"— Boston Transcript. AClever Suggestion—‘It would save us much-needed floor space and considergble money if more of our women customers would use the stairway when going up only one flight,” said the department store manager. “T wish, I knew of some way to make ‘em do it.” “Why not take the mirrors out of the elevators and put ‘em on the stairs?” sug- gested his bright assistant.—Buffalo Express. A Source of Annoyance—Friend—I suppose deafness is a source of annoyance to you?” Deaf man—Occasionally. Last night, for instance, I danced with a most charming young lady, and I would give a good deal to know whether she compared my dancing to a “zephyr” or a “heifer.”—New York Times. Clothes—A lot of men go broke trying to buy clothes for their wive “Yes,” replicd Miss Cayenne; “and a lot of women have to skimp along so that their husbands can buy secret society uniforms.” —Washington Star. To Be Sure—‘‘Now, hubby!” “Huh?” “Will you love me when I’m old?” “Why not? Nowadays a grandmother looks as chic as anybody.”—Aansas City Journal. ° Definite—The quiet-looking boy at the foot of the class had not had a question; so the teacher propounded him this one: “In what condition was the patriarch Job at the end of his life?” “Dead,” was the calm response.—Provi- dence Journal. You Would Rather Be IN Your Car Than UNDER It! Take a New Lease on Motor Life SPECIAL OFFER ‘To give you an opportunity to prove our statements about Motor Life for yourself, we will send the next six numbers for $1.00 (regular rate $3.00 per year). | Spend $1 and Save $100 by signing the coupon and reading these six beautiful numbers of Ameri- ca’s smartest motor publication, each containing over 100 pages and scores of interesting illustrations. Aprit—Equipment. Number nd Country Number Number MOTOR LIFE 243 West 39th Street New York City I accept your special offer. Send Motor Life for six months anda bill for one dollar (regular rate $1.50)— OR—Send it for two years and bill for $3.00 (regular rate $6.00). (In- dicate your preference.) You would rather be out of the garage than init. Motor Life is made for you. It is different. No boring technical- ities. Smart. Original. Entertaining. Hundreds of beauti- ful illustrations. Six-color covers. That is why it is read by people who have never before been interested in ordinary “automobile magazines.” It shows you the latest fashions in motors, appointments and body designs, lays out fascinating trips, suggests what to take and what to wear. It shows your wife the newest luxuries for her comfort while in the car, and gives her glimpses of well-known people, clubs and shops. But all this is but the frosting to Motor Life’s cake of practical helpfulness. Let Motor Life Save You Money Simply because you can afford a car—ora fleet of cars— is no reason why you should run it like a prodigal. In each issue Motor Life tells you the tricks of experts that will save you hundreds of dollars in running your car. Helpful ideas on how to save gasoline, tires, paint, up- holstery—all told in short, interesting articles illustrated with dozens of pictures. And, more than this, Motor Life gives its subscribers— Free Personal Service to an extent never before attempted by a motor magazine: Touring—Motor Life will lay laid down in a recent article by out any trip you,want to take— — Coles Phillips. and tell you the best routes and Mechanical—If you are puz- the best hotels. zled by any mechanical problem, Remodelling—Motor Life will you can get the solution from tell you how to remodel your old Motor Life’s Service Depart- chassis along the lines of the 1917 _ ment. and 1918 models. Shopping—Motor Life's ex- Repainting—Motor Life will perts will suggest equipment and suggest original color schemes for motor clothes, and buy them for your car, following the principles you in New York if you wish. Before you spend a cent on your old car, or buy a new car, or single accessory, consult with Motor Life. Don’t Send Money—Just Sign the Coupon Natigsusemsceuvens Appress City. comicbooks.com