Judge — March 31, 1917 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

with Smiles ‘o you have been on a visit to your boyhood Stories Just to Show Them— bome?” “Yes,” replied the prosperous-looking citizen. “How dear to my heart are the scenes of my childhood when fond recol- kection presents them to view.’” “I know that’s what the poet wrote, but my principal object in going tock was to show the people there that “that dirty 1, good-for-nothing Jones boy has amounted to something in the world.”"—Chicago Journal. Meant It For Him—He was fond of playing jokes on his wife, and his time he thought he had a winner. My dear,” he said, as they sat at supper, “I just heard such a sad sory of a young girl today. They thought she was going blind, and so a sargeon operated on her, and found — Yes?” gasped the wife breathlessly. “That she’d got a young man in her eye!” ended the husband, with a chuckle. . For a moment there was silence. Then the lady remarked slowly: “Well, it would all depend on what sort of a man it was. Some of them she could have seen through easily cnough.”—Pittshurgh Chronice-Tele- proph. No Laughing Matter—* Philip,” said his wife at the breakfast table, “you must give me some moncy this morning. There are all sorts of things | e want. We must get a ton of c before the price goes any higher. There’s a carpet for the dining room which we simply must have. Besides, Thaven’t got a thing to wear. I look positively dowdy when I go out with Mrs. Jones. I must have a new hat and an evening frock and an afternoon | dress. Then there’s shoes—my old shoes : y worn right through. | And then the curtains in the drawing room ely disgraceful and I shall have to have Perhaps you want to know what the joke is in this? Well, it isn’t a joke—every husband knows that.—Chicago Journal. Recovery Paid—In times of peace Smith might have been an author who had drifted into some useful occupation, such as that of a blacksmith, but just now he is cook to the Blankshire officers’ mess. Smith sent Murphy | into the village to bring home some chickens ordered for the mess. Murphy,” said Smith, the next when you fetch me chickens agfin, see that they are fastened up properly. ‘That lot you fetched yester- | day all got loose, and tho I scouted the village 1 only managed to secure ten said Murphy. “I only brought six.”—Tit-Bits. Couldn’t Afford It—A negro who had an injured head entered a doc- tor’s office. tello, “Yes, sah “Why don’t you keep out of bad company te had dressed the wound. “Deed I'd like to, Doc, but I ain’t got ‘nuff money to git a divorce.”"— lobe am! Got cut again, I se I done got carved up with a ra Doc!” said the physician, after VY.G ilbess. Nothing serious—no great cause for alarm, I trust? _ The new French maid—No, monsicur, nozzing beeg, nozzing granhe. Something—what you call leetle, petite. What zey call ze lectle—small— smallpox.—-The Doctor's Leisure Hour. Angus Got Even—Angus Mac Broth, the village innocent, outside the farmyard rubbing himself, while on the other side of the gate, an in- furiated bull pawed the ground | sa agely. “Did the black bull get ye?” asked the farmer anxious tanning up. “Did he?” snorted Angus. ven wi’ him, the brute!” Ten minutes later he returned to the farmhouse; his face spread in a ile. “A've done it,” he told the farmer. “A’ve got even wi’ that black deart ower yonder.” 1s he came } | _ Nothing Serious—Visitor—I am grieved to hear of your mistress’ “D’ye no sce I’m rubbin’ maself? But Ab'll ret “Whit we: asked the bull’s owner. “Weel, [jist w nt tac the wee broon calf and fetched him a whack—sick abonnie yin, tae, o'er the lug, an’ says I tae him: *Noo gang an’ tell ye' her aboot that.’"—Chicago Journal. Gone, Not Forgotten—During the fighting a Highlander had the nisfortune to get his head blown off. A comrade communicated the sad news to another gallant Scot, who asked, anxiously: “Where's his head? He was smoking ma pipe.” —Tit-Bits. GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY ‘The key to health in old age is the prevention of bowel disorder, Constipation, which becomes more and more chronic with advancing years, frequently makes the burden of old age seem heavy indeed. Yet in most cases constipation can be entirely prevented by a little care in the matter ot diet and by supplying in Nujol an efficient substitute for the mucus which exhaust- ed nature no longer provides, Nujol is not a bowel stimu- Jant. It acts as an internal lubricant, softening the con- tents of the intestines and so promoting normal evacu- ations. NUJOL Is bottled at the refinery and Is sold only in pint bottles bearing the name NUJOL and the imprint of the Standard Oll Company (New Jersey). Refuse substitutes—be sure you get the genuine. STANDARD OIL COMPANY New Jersey) Bayonne New Jersey addreus plainly below, Adsre: comicbooks.com