Judge — March 17, 1917 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Wise Judge! WISE Kansas City judge has de- cided that a married man may kiss his cousin now and then without fear of alimony. All of which is just as it should be, providing the cousin is good- looking, willing and not over twenty- orthree. There has been too much re- striction placed upon married men and kissing of late, and we are glad to note the beginning of a reaction. A married man has to kiss somebody once in a while. As society is at present organized it is inconvenient for him to be at home when his wife drops in between a bridge party and a seven-rcel thriller to tell the maid that she will not return in time for breakfast the next morning. Of course, the week-end might be utilized for osculatory festivities were it not for the fact that people of good breeding must spend their week-ends away from home. And kissing one’s own wife in the pres- ence of others is, as you will recall, a tire- some, perfunctory process. The only thing left for a man of spirit to do is to kiss the poodle, the parrakeet, the maid, or some dainty relative suffi- ciently removed to make kissing interest- ing. We have always felt sure that poo- dles and parrakeets are not overfond of our caresses and we suspect that maids sometimes are. Our cousins, bless them, are neither one nor t’other, and they fill the bill to a nicety. The Kansas City judge is a third anda still greater D. His vision is clear and his heart is right. Long may he live to extend his sym- pathies! Sixes and Sevens NCLE SAM may be no great shakes of a French scholar, but when it comes to quelling Latin-American mu- tinies he’s long on the pourquoi and short on the quel * Hunters in New York State are now required to wear an identification button Failure to do so entitles every deer mistak- en fora guide to be killed all over again. * There are in the United States 112,444, 620 souls—counting the single-thought souls as two each. * Goethals says the Panama Ca will be stopped next year, and we guess he’s right. Next year is when they al- ways used to stop them. ¢ Enemies of Governor Brumbaugh, of Pennsylvania, say that the State paid his ul slides EXPRESSION TWO BITS” honeymoon expenses. Well, what of it? What State wouldn’t be glad to pay ali mony even, if it would distract a Govern- or’s mind away from official mischief? * Govemor Lowen &ff Illinois, before tak- ing office, resigned as a director of the Pullman Com- pany—thereby divesting himself of every obligation except, of course, to tip the porter. & A dinosaur 8,000,000 years old has ar- rived in New York. He drawing the street cars there don’t look a day older. * Turkey is about to adopt the Gregorian calendar. Poor calendar for the Sick Man! For every pay-day there are tax days, tag days, due days, rent days. pilgrimage days and new bonnet ys for the whole harem. * International law is David Harum’s on of the golden rule: “Do others— and do it fust.”” 2 ‘The courts have decided that storage eggs must be stamped. If it’s up to us to do the stamping, we move that Postmaster General Burleson provide a more palatable mucilage. & The “mild militants” voted to picket the White House. The “mild militant” is the sort who prefers to postpone some of the fighting until after she has made peace on her own terms. * President Wilson is now convened in his fourth regular session. comicbooks.com