Judge — March 17, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOME PEOPLE YOU HAVE KNOWN RS. LOTTA CL! R is one of the few people you know by sound. You have never talked with her much, but she has not been so kind to you. Sometime back in her girlhood days she took a notion that women are en- tertaining only when they talk. Ever since day she has been entertaining. Mrs. Clatter belie in the inclusion of detai —great oodles of them. Relevant and ir- relevant matter she treats with the utmost impartiality. She talks not to reach a con- clusion, but to keep on talking. A great many people thought that Mrs. Clatter would never marry. But she got a hold of a poor, meck chap with a good heart, a No. 13!% collar and a pithy head and performed a wedding ceremony over him be- fore his relatives could rescue him. He listened to her for a month or two. Then he shriveled up still more and grew very proud of her. He was that way when he died. Mrs. Clatter is going to be an awful problem in the next world, —H.W. Dee. Numbers Make Might 6EYOU seem to despise majorities.” “You are correct. I do.” “How is that?) Numbers make might.” “And ‘Might makes right?’” “Hardly. But how shall we know what is right without the majority “By this token: minorities are superior.” “In what respect?” “Jn all respects. If you don’t believe me, study as I have the majority of doctors, lawyers, merchants, clergymen, and farmers. It won’t take you long then to learn that all their real excellence is confined to the few, and quite escapes the many. Accordingly, every self-respecting individual should seck to enter the minority class.” “Why, then it would cease to be the minority class and become at once the majority “Not at all. The assortment of candidates with the credential referred to is much smaller than you suppose.”” JM. oH. Sound Advice “Looky yur, Stranger!” admonished Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., who was in Tumlinville on a shop- ping expedition. “If you don’t belong to the church you'd better sorter keep away from that mule’s heels. If you've got anything to say to him say it to his face.” Her Reason For It olly—Why do you quarrel so much with your fiance? Molly—To keep people from getting the wrong impression. I don’t want everybody to think I have to marry him. THE CHEERFUL VIEW EN the sweet alarm clock ringeth I rise gaily, ere the dawn, And skip down to crank my furnace while Night's curtain still is drawn, Blithely musing: “What a blessing with the mists thus to arise! And perhaps I'll find a clinker to afford me exercise.” And if there should be no clinker there’s the ashpit I can clean That will give my ofliced muscles some exhilaration keen. Some men for such sportful pastime join high priced athletic clubs, But as long as I’ve my furnace I can pity all such dubs. Sometimes there is disappointment, sometimes ashes are but few, Sometimes there is not a clinker, and the smoke goes up the flue, That fire sometimes needs no urging, but laughs brightly at my woe, And I've no chance to remake it. . But it isn’t often, though. —Lee Shippey. A Good Boy to Practise On Biffe, Sr—My son, why are you always picking on that little boy next door? Biffe, Jr.—Why, papa, he’s a Christian Scientist, and it don’t hurt him, and he doesn’t dare tell his father or mother. A ROOSTERETTE Jus’ listen to that rooster crow,” Cried pretty little Peg. “You'd really think to hear him, That he had laid an egg. “Well, that’s all right,” said Tommy, In tones with kindness rife. “I s'pose that nice ol’ rooster Can be proud of his wife. —Margaret G. Hays. comicbooks.com xXLIM