Judge — March 10, 1917 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ORIENTAL ig KENNETH L. RUGS ROBERTS RIENTAL RU e rugs that come from the . Some- times the East in question may be the Far East, like Persi Turkey or India, and sometimes it may the phony East, like East of the Mississippi, E . England, or even the East Side. Rugs that come from the phony East are usually less germy than those which come from the a an oriental rug expert could shut his eyes and walk around on them without embarrassing his feet to any noticeable extent, even though the difference in price is frequently astonishing, even to the man who sells the rugs. ‘actories in the East—the phony East—have become remarkably skilful in the manufacture of hand-woven Persian and Turkish rugs, and have even succeeded in perfect machinery which leaves the marks of camels’ toenails and Turkish coffce-stains on the delicate fabrics. Men spend years in the study of oriental rugs. Such men can tell the difference between a rug from the Far East and a rug from the phony East if they are allowed to rub their noses on it, crawl under it, gnaw a piece from a corner, touch a match to a part of it, soak portions in acids, and run the remainder through a meat-chopper. At rug auctions, though, where the auctioneer sometimes shoots buyers if they get too close to the rugs before spending their money, many an expert has bought what he thought was a rare old Kirman, only to discover when he got it out in the light that it was a fine young Newark. One of the features about the study of rugs that is particu- larly discouraging to the amateur is the enormous number of names that must be mastered before starting on the habits and distinguishing characteristics of the rugs themselv A rug expert must know the name of every city, town, village, coun- try post-office and steamboat landing in Turkey, Arabia, Persia, India, Afghanistan and China; and in learning these names he is apt to break all his teeth on the unaccustomed syllables and become a cripple for life In these days of hob-nailed golf shoes, careless maids who drop tea-trays without a moment's notice, and sharp-toothed Pomeranians, a person is running a grave risk when he sinks a large sum of money in an oriental rug. The risk, however, is not nearly as grave as in the more popular sport of sinking money in war stocks. Long Days Hum—L was offered a job yesterday at five hundred dol- lars a da: Drum—Why didn’t you take it? Hum—Because, the work was in the Arctic regions. TO RUTH, IN EARLY SPRING By CORINNE ROCKWELL SWAL ‘CE more, beneath the dear old trysting tree I sit, alone, and dream, beloved Ruth, Of fairer vernal twilights—(drat the tooth! What made it jump that way?) spent here with thee, When first we vowed that love our all should be, And knew—(the breeze is cool, and that's the truth!) No power could daunt us, dowered with hope and youth. (This boulder’s very damp.) Elate and fri My soul exults—(Kerchoo! Can I be taking cold?) ions bright, At thy behest, a valiant knight I roam, And laugh at Fate; for, scorning earthly fear— (Somehow I’m not just in the mood to write: KERCHOO! !! I guess I'd better hurry home!) One of To-day’s Miracles Mr. Jones—The days of miracles are over. turn water into wine now. Claim Agent—That's where yo road in our country performs a gr almost every da Mr. Jones—How’s that?” Claim Agent—You just watch a train run over a scrub cow and see if she doesn’t become a fine Jersey. That's quee They can’ re wrong. Why any rail- er miracle than that ‘The first real estate man of whom we have any knowledge is the one who wrote the description of the Garden of Eden, HA comicbooks.com