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Judge, 1917-03-10 · page 10 of 28

Judge — March 10, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at

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Judge — March 10, 1917 — page 10: Judge, 1917-03-10

What you’re looking at

This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Medical Axioms"** mocks contemporary medical practice through absurdist advice—doctors prescribing contradictory treatments, recommending patients sleep outdoors in hoods and furs, or consume massive quantities of eggs and milk. The satire targets early 20th-century medicine's tendency toward extreme, often ineffective interventions and doctors' self-aggrandizing claims about their necessity. **"Zuleika"** is an orientalist romantic tale poking fun at exotic adventure stories popular in the era. The humor lies in its anticlimactic ending: after Abdalla's heroic quest to win the beautiful maiden, she abandons him upon discovering he's been unfaithful—revealed when she finds a woman's hair in his clothing. **"High Finance" and "He Should Worry"** are brief comic dialogues. The first satirizes financial irresponsibility (paying debts by borrowing more). The second jokes about gender relations and fashion, with the husband criticizing women's scandalous clothing while the wife dismisses his concern. The decorative art features orientalist imagery and classical motifs typical of Judge's visual style.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Medical Axioms Y 2S, he is liable to die to-morrow, if not before. Yet, on the other hand, he may live for two years or longer. Take this, and if it cures you, never go without it. Cut the thing out by all means. That is what surgery is for. Not a thing was omitted. erything was done that could bedoneorthat money could buy. Stimula- tion went the limit. Well, try it anyway. Anything is worth trying once. Do you sleep out of doors? No? That’s the trouble. Merely opening win- dows won’t do. They cause drafts. Put your bed into the open. Wear a hood. One for the face. Plenty of furs. The new treatment is serums, risk any other. You were lucky to see me to-day. Otherwise you would not be alive to- morrow. Ah, that was the old way. better these day: No appetite? Very well. You are to get six to ten eggs with three quarts of milk every twenty-four hours. Oh, nonsense! Your heart will last as long as you do. —L. Graeme Don’t We know Much Married She—The fortune teller says I'll marry brains, beauty and mone He—Why, you darned she Mormon! Over in Japan they naturally suppose that the Secretary of the Treasury is the ruler of America. ZULEIKA (A Tale from the East) By SB. RISTR BDALLA traveled long and far To find his heart's desi At many a rug bedecked ba He halted to inquire. O’er burning sands he rode by day And when the stars were gleaming, Urged by one purpose on his way, And one dream always dreaming. Within a palm’s protecting shade Reclined the plump Zuleika Abdalla came and saw the maid, And said: “At last! Eurek. He carried off Zuleika when Her father wasn’t looking; Across the sands they rode, and then She learned to do his cooking. She loved Abdalla and was glad To carn his soft caresses; He praised the beauty that she had And stroked her dusky tresses. And often in the night, when he Was busy snoring sweetly, Zulcika, dreading what might be, Would search his clothes discreetly. Abdalla rode a sorrel mare, A beauty and a treasure; Her mane was like a maiden’s hair In texture and in measure. When glad Abdalla’s sleep was sound, One fateful night, Zulcika Stamped on the red hair she And, swooning, shricked, She left Abdalla in distress, Her sorrow even greater: When woman secks unhappiness She finds it soon or later. High Finance 66TQYLATBROKE scems to be unusu- ally jubilant here lately. What has happened to him?” “Didn’t you hear about it? He paid all those small debts that have been annoying him.” “Where did he get the money?” “Borrowed it.” He Should Worry He—The styles in woman’s clothes are scandalous. She—Don'’t worry, dear. change before you get me any. They'll But “What do you have, colored or white help?” “Both—but they are no help.” If you are forty years of age, have thin, wispy hair, sunken cheeks and a receding chin, a thin, shapeless figure and turned-in toes, don’t neg- lect the opportunity to go to the ball as Cleo- patra. icbooks.com